November 9, 2012

The Holiday Blues

If I wrote a book at this point in time, it would be called : Confessions of a consistently single girl. That is in fact my life. I had thought of starting a blog about that awhile back, but then I figured it would be too depressing and would make me look desperate, which I'm really not. I just like to make blogs for any possible thing that I can. So, I decided against it. Maybe it's the holiday cheer that's messing with my heart and mind this week, but is too much to ask for that someone special this year? I've been faithfully praying about for years, as cheesy as it sounds. I think it's one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life, so I figured, why not start early? I'm not the girl who has ever needed a guy. I've always been much more focused on my friends, family, and career that even this year, I haven't given it too much serious thought, just thinking about the prospect of it all. Sure, I've been open to it, if it happens, but I don't think I've been out there dwelling on it. This season is another story, and I guess a lot of people are like that.

I'd rather be alone than with the wrong one, like so many others my age, but I feel like if the right one was to come along, I would be ready. Heck, I just want to go on a date, seeing as I've never officially been on one. It sounds nice; getting dressed up, butterflies in your stomach, thinking about seeing that crush of yours, and just jumping into something new.  I've never been one to put my heart on the line as far as guys go or one who has really cared much for the dating scene. I guess I get caught up more in the idea of a person, rather than actually getting attached or putting myself out there, trying to get to know someone. I think of them as characters in my mind, rather than getting too close, because it's probably not going to work out for me anyway. It's easier to fall for an idea, so I don't get hurt and if it doesn't work out in the end, it's a lot easier to move on (from what I've seen and heard). Plus, you can get great material out of it. Just ask most of the songwriters today! I want to believe in the best, but when that's all you've ever known, it's a habit hard to break.

I was studying last night, when I saw this article on the side of a web page (can you believe it was Spark Notes?!) that said "Why Crushes Can Be Better Than Boyfriends." Here's what they said:
  • Crushes basically require you to geek out with your friends
  • Your free time is yours...All yours!
  • It's never as good as you think it's going to be
  • You can focus on your friendships
  • If you're in a relationship, you no longer get to crush on eeeeeveryone
They make some good points, but I'm not looking for something perfect anymore, just because someone can make it sound like a movie line or it seems "magical". I'm tried of living in that dream world that I've been in for so long. I want something real; where I'm annoyed and so in love with a person at the same time. Someone who will challenge me. Someone who doesn't really put up with my crap, when it's something completely irrational. Someone who will just be there to listen. I don't want someone that's going to change my everything and I have to be with 24/7 or someone that is going to consume my every minute; I need my space. I just want someone who is going to be the finishing touches on the amazing life I already have. I want to know at the end of the day I still have that person to confide in.  Isn't that what everyone wants?

I sound like a broken record when I say, "I'm trying to be patient and know that God has a plan," but it's true. I really am content in knowing that if nothing works out soon, like I'd hope for it to...I'm going to be okay. I know that He has someone incredibly special in mind, who is out there in this world somewhere as we speak, and I just have to keep holding onto that. My main focus should be my relationship with God, then transferring out to the university here in town, and just getting some things done for me, and then we'll see. I have plenty to keep me busy in the meantime, and that person will always be out there, when the time is right. I've been seeing that with plenty of other aspects in my life with friends and school lately. God is just telling me to slow down. I've been trying to rush through all of these phases in my life for quite some time

"I wanna be that girl, when she falls in love it's like a big deal and it's a rare thing." ♥ Taylor Swift
That's what I want most. I've never been in love, and when I finally do...I want it to be everything that all of those ridiculous songs on the radio talk about, even if the relationship breaks my heart. I want every moment to be worth the wait. I'm excited to see where God takes me in this department. 

And I'll be sure to keep you guys updated every step of the way,


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