Sometimes life is just a hot mess, you know? It feels like there are just not enough hours in the day. Or maybe I'm just not making them count where it really matters. My mind is constantly a blur of ideas, to do lists and trying to categorize where it needs to go, but I just don't know how successful I am at it. Actually, I don't think I'm very successful at all.
I wake up worn out and exhausted, which just progresses with each lecture and assignment as the day goes on. There are so many things to plan for, to make sure I get it all in on time and to mainly just to pass the class overall. Really, all I end up doing is procrastinating with everything, thinking the paper will magically write itself or people will come up to me so that I can use them as sources. That sort of thing.
But, on top of that, I'm a 22-year-old girl, who still has bigger hopes and dreams than just staying in a classroom all day. I still have my insecurities and worries for the future, and I have (or would like to have) a social life, but it's hard to balance on top of everything else. How do you find time for everything?
I shouldn't be complaining, though, because I know so many people my age, who work and go to school, or some who are a little older and have to take care of their families at the same time, while working. I don't work, but I do work on some other things that might sound a little frivolous to some, but I make YouTube videos, I work on blogs, I write stories that maybe someday I will publish, and I write for the entertainment site, PopWrapped. It's stuff that is important to me, and stuff that I like putting my time into.
On another note, sometimes, by comparing my journey to others, I limit myself. I often wonder whether I have what it takes to continue as a journalism major, because I don't know if I'll ever be as good of a writer as some of the other students or the types of articles on the blogs I read on blogs. I just have to keep believing has a special plan for me that only I can do. Comparing myself to others; their status or style last quarter did absolutely nothing for my self-esteem. So, over Christmas break, I really tried to get the root of that problem. And it is something I've learned to let go a little more.
I've been questioning a few things about the path I want to keep going on. I often wonder whether I should have majored in creative writing, whether I could have done much with a degree in that. It's just that, as much as I do love meeting new people and hearing their stories, I wonder whether I have the guts to really ask those TOUGH questions. I'll say it right now-I don't like asking tough questions and I don't like making people uncomfortable. I like listening. If people want to tell me things, then great...But, most of the time, I probably won't push for anymore.
I like writing about little moments, dreams, opportunities, love, etc. Basing it on real people and real incidents that observe. I'm a wallflower and I'm constantly looking at what's going on around me, at school, at church, in the media, with my friends or on vacation. I'm inspired by so many ideas/people to write. But, I'm finding that strictly writing about real people, sometimes people I know, is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Let's just say, returning to school after Christmas break is one of the hardest things to do. I just feel really drained and finding motivation to do anything is awful. I keep waiting for this light bulb to go off where I'll be more determined than ever, but it's taking awhile. I want to feel better and more energized, but really I just want to stay under my covers all day and watch Netflix. *sigh* What I need is to start doing is : Quiet time with God again, bike ride, stay on top of my schedule for school and to just feel super pumped about attacking my to do list and finishing projects long before "the night before" they're due. And also keeping my room clean and organizing my closet. You do not want to see those right now. But, that is a whole other story.
Basically, I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time. If I look at the big picture, like I did last quarter, I'll feel way too overwhelmed, and it's just not worth it. Just gotta take things slowly and remember what I'm working towards. Can't lose sight of the dream.
That's all for now,
January 30, 2014
Sunday, the red carpet was rolled out and the limos arrived, dropping off some of the biggest names in music today, and even from yesteryear.
As a little girl, I always dreamed of going to the Grammy's. Given, my daydream was usually around me attending as an artist, but sometimes the dream ends and new ones come along. Which is the case here. I am a journalism major now, wanting to be an entertainment reporter (sorry if I'm starting to sound like a broken record, I guess I'm just keeping that dream alive and trying to motivate myself), and being able to see the excitement of the reporters and how they handle the chaos of the carpet is where I need to be.
Anywho, every year the Grammy's come around, and I either forget to sign up or just forget how the whole process works, but always think, "Man, what I wouldn't give to be there right now." This year, I saw Mastercard was doing a special contest through Twitter with "#pricelesssuprises" and tickets to the Grammy's red carpet were one of those prizes. I decided to tweet them saying how I would love to go, and I WON!!!!! Ah!
Because I've been busy with school, it didn't really start truly sinking in until later Saturday night. After hanging out with my gramps for the day, we went looking for Grammy outfits. I just couldn't believe that I was walking around looking for something to wear to the Grammy's red carpet…LIKE, WHAT?! I found a black cotton tank dress with a Stevie Nicks inspired flowery shawl to go over it. I felt very rocker in it. I had some stuff to finish up Saturday night, then hung up my outfit for the next day, set my alarm and watched a little Parks and Rec, then White Collar and fell asleep.
|Not too sure what I was doing here!|
I woke up Sunday morning, with butterflies in my stomach and jitters, wondering what was going to happen for the day. I was excited, but didn't really have any expectations. After all, Shakespeare said that is the root of all heartache, and it's just easier to not go there, and see what happens. I put on my makeup, got dressed, talked with my dad for a few minutes (who wasn't able to come) and then, my mom and I were off. We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box for breakfast, since we wouldn't be able to eat for the rest of the day basically and made our way into L.A.
|Our fancy parking pass ;)|
I had made a Grammy playlist for the car trip, which helped wake us up a little, seeing as we woke up at 6:30 in the morning. I know, that's probably not that early, but I'm hardly ever up before 10 a.m, unless I have classes. I made sure I had plenty of my favorite past and present nominees and winners, like Justin Timberlake, Carole King, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Beyonce and more on the list. Gosh, I just love music so much.
We made really good timing to downtown Los Angeles, and found the parking lot we were directed to in no time. We checked in and walked across the street to use the restroom and grab some mints and gum, then we waited for about 30 or so minutes, before lining up with a few others who came after us. We started talking with another mom and daughter, who had done a lot of other tapings and award shows, so it was cool getting to swap stories. Then, we were notified we would have to leave our purses in the car, because they were too big. Luckily, I had a small clutch I had shoved in my bag the night before, so I was able to carry a few items. Then, we jumped right back in line.
|Awkward selfie!!!!! YOLO!|
|On the way to the carpet! EEK!|
Finally, the moment we had all been waiting for had arrived. The celebrities were starting to show up! There were a whole lot of bands that all started to look alike. I know a lot of music, but I don't necessarily always know what they look like (my bad). And of course, the later it got, the bigger the names on the carpet were as well. Some of the celebrities were nice enough to come over for the Make-A-Wish kids and their families, who were sitting in the first couple rows. It was so sweet getting to see them experience such a special moment. We technically weren't supposed to be taking pictures, but everyone was. I mean, c'mon….
- Jesse McCartney
- Quentin Tarrantino
- Bob Saget
- Natalie Grant
- Stevin Curtis Chapman
- Vampire Weekend
- Capitol Cities
- Colbie Caillat
- Gavin DeGraw
- Hunter Hayes
- Paris Hilton (it seriously seems like they took more pictures of her than anyone else who was actually nominated. What the what??!)
- Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert
- Ed Sheeran
- Katy Perry
- Robin Thicke
- John Legend
- TAYLOR SWIFT!
- Steven Tyler
- Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka
- Smokey Robinson
- Keith Urban
- Jared Leto
- Anna Faris
- LL Cool J
- Kathy Griffin
- Giuliana Rancic
- Ringo Starr
- Many more (but, I can't remember everyone…:O)
|Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka!|
They ushered us out really soon after the last celebrity had walked out of the carpet area, so we all went outside and that was the end of our adventure. We took pictures in front of the sign we had missed earlier, then said goodbye to our friend, who had been visiting from Nashville and walked across the street back to our car.
I was in such a daze with everything. A million things were going through my mind as we left, wondering what it's like to be a celebrity having to deal with the constant pressures of fans and reporters shouting your name almost 24/7, what it would be like to interview on the red carpet, and realizing that as soon as I got home, I would have to write a paper for my feature writing class and the next day was going to be extremely long. We had planned to go home right after the awards ended, but it was still early, so we went to Paty's for dinner. Luckily, we got right in and sat down. Although, after sitting for hours, I was ready to pull a Chris Traegar and run a marathon, to stretch my legs. It's weird how sitting is way more draining than standing, like we've done for Idol and other tapings, etc. down there!
I ordered an iced tea and a tuna melt, which was so good after not having eaten since early in the morning. It was a combination of feeling like I was going to pass out from not eating and so much excitement. We ate, talked about the event and came home after that, listening to the Grammy CD and Taylor Swift on the way home!
Oh, and we saw Carnie Wilson at Paty's, eating dinner with her family. I had glanced at her when we walked to our booth, but got a good look at her when I was coming back from the restroom. She smiled at me, which was really sweet, and then I told my mom to glance, which she did not…So, on our way out of the restaurant, she glanced back and smiled at her and I awkwardly waved. So much for playing it cool right? HAHA! I kind of wish I would've gotten a picture with her, because she seemed so cool.
We got home fairly early, so we started telling my dad all about our adventure, then watched the red carpet coverage and started watching the awards, which we didn't officially finish until Tuesday morning. There were no pictures or shots of us on the carpet, as far as what I've seen so far, but maybe they'll make it to the worldwide web eventually.
It's so surreal looking back on all of the pictures and interviews, knowing that we were just a few feet away from most of the action, and in some ways, it doesn't feel like we were there at all. It's an experience I will never forget, and I am so thankful to MasterCard for putting all of it together and making dreams come true. And who knows? Maybe I'll go back again someday….
That's all for now,