July 11, 2014

My Mix Tape

image from spikeeskin.com
It's no secret that I set my life to music. Every season in my life has its own playlist. So, I love just finding some feel good songs during the summer that I can crank up and sing to, and just feel GREAT.

Here are a few songs that I'm just really loving right now:

  • Meant To Be - Parachute
  • Scarecrow - Alex and Sierra
  • Best Day Of My Life - American Authors
  • Take On The World (Girl Meets World theme song) - Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter
  • Love Never Felt So Good - Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake
  • Somethin' Bad - Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert
  • I Really Don't Care - Demi Lovato with Cher Lloyd
  • Where It's At - Dustin Lynch
  • Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran
  • Everything's Right - Matt Wertz (this has been a favorite since my junior year of high school, but I fell in love with it again)
  • If It's Just Me - Hunter Hayes
  • Louder - Lea Michele
  • That's What I Call Crazy - Lucy Hale
  • Not A Bad Thing - Justin Timberlake
So, those are just a few that I really love right now :)

That's all for now,

What are some of your favorite songs right now?

Just go for it.

You know, I'm all about going for risks and taking big opportunities, even when I haven't necessarily planned for them. If a great opportunity comes out of the blue, but I'm still terrified, more than likely I'm still going to go for it. But, for some reason when it comes to the simple things like hanging out with friends or trying a new Bible study, I have THE hardest time venturing out. I'm a planner and I like to know a lot of details before I just jump into something a good portion of the time. And I have some theories about why that is. 

I feel like if it's something that can help me make an advance in my "career," then I'm all about it and I do it without a second thought. I'll pray about the outcome and that's that. It's pretty simple - You just go out there and do it. 

But, my friend and I were just texting and it really opened my eyes.

I've been trying to work up the nerve to go to a new Bible study that a couple of them (my friends) have been going to. Every week, I keep thinking I'm going to go, but then as the week starts going, I start rethinking it and usually come up with some excuse. It's too far, I don't drive at night, my parents probably wouldn't want to pick me up that late, I'm just feeling too tired, etc. My friend said she was going to the second Bible study on Sunday night and was asking if I wanted to go to that one instead. Suddenly, a somewhat panic rose up in me...And at the same time, I felt like it was an out. 

I told her that I was already starting to second guess going on Sunday anyway, and that I was still trying to pump myself up for it...It's just a mental thing that I really need to get over. She sent me back this message ... "It's always our minds that get the best of us! That's why many times in the Bible we are to pray for our minds...asking God to renew it because our minds tend to do and believe different things than our hearts or souls."

Ahhh, now I get it. I talk myself into feeling this way really. And the more I've started thinking about it lately, I'm okay with putting myself out there for career/job opportunities, because that really just comes down to me. If I'm rejected, it's because of business and I try not to take that too personally anymore. It is what it is. When I'm talking to people, I can ask them questions and get the information I need and then we both move on...Everyone's happy. But, with an actual relationship/friendship, things can get trickier. Those are the REAL things. Real emotions and sometimes messy situations that can grow even more complicated. 

You know too much about one another, you're together too often...Things are bound to happen. I never thought that I was one of those girls, but I have a tendency to get scared and pulled back. I can be all in at the beginning, because it's exciting getting to know new people or have conversations that you've never had before, but suddenly...It's just too much. And then, it's annoying. When I'm "working," I don't deal with that. It's all very strategic and planned out, for the most part.

I see now that I need to continue to ask God to help me have an open mind when it comes to hanging out with people I know and trust. To be more daring and willing to try new things in my everyday life, not just the things that I can be in control of, because it's not always that easy. But, I don't want to miss out on incredible moments with my friends and family, just because I get too comfortable living in my own little world, where nothing can touch me or things aren't messy. We were meant to live messy, out of the ordinary lives...So, now's my chance.

That's all for now,

July 10, 2014

Too much time on my hands

So, this picture pretty much describes how I feel about today. Just bleh...It's just a pretty uneventful day. Although, come to think of it...As of lately, I don't mind "uneventful" as much.

I stayed home all day. By myself. And I didn't even feel too anxious about it...You know, after the "incident" and all. It was actually nice to just kind of chill and also get over feeling so paranoid and always sitting on the edge of my seat, wondering whether something is going to happen.

I watched a lot of Sara Evans' "Simply Sara" video blogs. I ate soup. I read a few blogs and the book I'm currently reading, "Nashville Wives." I also texted my best friend for a bit and my cousin.

Then, I got an email asking if I would interview the frontrunner of ACIDIC, and I'd be able to review the show, if I'm available that weekend. It sounds really exciting! I can't wait to give the band a listen and to chat with Michael.

Now, I'm just kind of sitting here and thinking about life. Doing a whole lot of nothing. Wishing I was out there doing more....The usual.

And that's all for now,
Shelby :)

July 9, 2014

Time keeps on slippin' into the future

It's funny how you usually just need a bit of time to put things into perspective for you.

Last summer, I was stressing wondering how starting the new university would be. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to handle the workload, meeting new people, or whether it would get me to the job I wanted, and more than anything, I was afraid of making mistakes. I just wanted to fast forward time to walking across the stage and moving to Nashville. I was trying to rush the process, but what I soon learned is that the process/the journey is everything.

And now, as I'm enjoying my summer break, I also feel like I need to get back out there. I need to be doing something. Writing. Taking chances. Because now I know that I can handle it. I know that I'm good enough, and I'm capable of making things happen. There's no reason to compare myself to others or to wonder if I should be doing something like them. God has a specific plan for me, and if it's meant to happen, it will. I KNOW for a fact that it will this time.

It's just funny how all you need is a little time. A little time to grow into the role that you were born to play. A little time to gain experience. A little time to learn from others who have been there before and can pass on advice. A little time to get comfortable with the tasks that you have yet to accomplish. A little time to give yourself room to grow and that you're not going to have it all together right away. I'm still getting there, and that's okay.

I'm having a blast getting there anyway. I'm not getting distracted by the daydreams anymore, because now, those daydreams are right in front of me and I don't want to miss out on the opportunities.

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

July 8, 2014

Change is inevitable and growing up is a process

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go." 
~The Wonder Years~

It seems that there comes a certain time in your life, where it's nothing but a series of hellos and goodbyes. I think it all just comes with growing up, but no one ever warns you about that part. Sure, they tell you that you should cherish the times you have with your friends in high school, because it's never going to be the same...But, they don't always tell you HOW. Lately, it seems like everyone that I grew up with are starting to move on with their lives, and rightfully so, but it's still hard. It's like I just keep saying goodbye to some of the closest people in my life and welcoming in new people. I guess that's the circle of life, but I can't say that I'm too fond of it just yet. 

It never occurred to me in high school that so many of my friends were going to move away for college, and that they wouldn't always be there when I wanted to hang out. I certainly took that for granted in our teen years. I thought there would always be time for it. So, a lot of times when they'd ask me to come over for random hangouts or watching movies, I'd pass and think "next time." But, next time didn't necessarily come until it was too late. I was very much a homebody and could find an excuse to get out of hanging out. It wasn't because I wanted to, but I was just very quiet and liked smaller groups or just one-on-one get togethers. 

But, as we started going through college, I missed what we all once had - Eating lunches together every day, working on the homecoming float, talking during boring assemblies, celebrating birthdays and holidays, when we had all the time in the world and sometimes Laurie would be at my house all day, random trips to Starbucks, texting all day long and complaining about what seemed to be so rough at the time. To be honest, it has only gotten harder now that most of my friends have graduated before I have. A lot of them have returned, but now something even weirder has happened...They're actual adults with jobs out in the real world. And they're moving. And getting married. WHAT IS GOING ON? We're not pretending anymore, and now we just have to go out in the world and find out who we are. 

Today, I said "goodbye" to my best friend, Laurie, as she is moving to Arizona next week. She's been going to school in Michigan, so our relationship has changed quite a bit over the years, but at the same time it has stayed exactly the same and we can pick up exactly where we left off. Strange, huh? We used to talk practically 24/7...Even if it was just something simple like, 'what's on your mind?' or 'what are your plans for tonight?' But, we'd also get into much deeper discussions about our faith, life, and gave each other advice about the issues we were dealing with. 

Well, we soon found that the time difference is a lot trickier than we had imagined when she moved to Michigan. We both had way different schedules; she would practically be done with classes for the day when I was just getting ready to head to class, or when she was free to Skype, I was getting started on homework or eating dinner. So, we haven't talked quite as often and there hasn't always been time to hang out when she would come back to town during the summer or at Christmas. The conversations were shorter and much farther apart than both of us probably would have liked. And we'd always talk about making all of these plans, watching certain movies or going out on silly adventures...But, most of the time we didn't. 

The thing is...You always think you have so much time, and that can be with anything. But, suddenly, the hour glass runs out of sand and you have to learn to adapt to what you're left with. We both thought that when she came back for the summer, that we would have so much time to do all the things we wanted, but then she became employed...And her summer sort of came to a halt, as did all of our plans. When we went to the baseball game the day I got out of school, I thought we were going to have so much time left, but again...It goes a lot quicker than you think. She leaves Monday, and I couldn't believe it. 

So today, Laurie and I had lunch at Panera. YUM! We sat out on the patio, but luckily didn't sweat to death, even though it was incredibly hot out. Plus, there was a lot more room than there would have been inside and we could actually get into deeper conversation, instead of having to keep our voices lower or having a hard time hearing one another. She told me all about the stuff she'd gotten for her apartment and updating me on how she's been this summer. I told her more about the paper and how I'm just ready to be done with school and all of the other craziness that life has brought lately. There are usually so many things I want to say, but don't always get the chance during our text conversations. 

After lunch and chatting awhile, we decided to make a video (per my request) and took some pictures. Then, Laurie brought me home. She came in for a few minutes to talk with my mom, then she had to leave. We said that we'd have to Skype more, and I hope that we're actually able to follow through with that this time. 

I'm so thankful that even though things are different and we've both changed a bit, we can still find the same groove...Only this time, we're older and wiser than we once were ;). I know that even if we go for months without talking or our conversations don't last all night like they once did, I can still call her and she'd be there to say a prayer for me or to just listen to me vent about something. That's the most comforting thing of all. And years from now, we'll be able to hang out and talk about how we overcame it all. Together and apart. 

Just like I hope you find a Marissa, I hope you find a Laurie in your life as well. Someone who is loyal and won't leave your side, and it will still always make an effort to be in your life, no matter how busy your schedule is or the distance that might separate you. 

So, while a lot of my family members are moving away and starting new chapters in their lives and other friends are moving away, graduating and starting their careers, it gives me hope that my time is coming soon. Until then, I will enjoy the remainder of college and the fact that some of my friends are still in town...And I don't have to pay for everything right now and can afford to sleep in. But, I am SO excited for everything that's coming up for them and that their hard work is paying off. I'm sure that is an incredible feeling. Our lives are really just beginning. I guess there's really no reason to look back just yet.

Just a few quotes: 

"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."
~Susan B. Anthony

"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you." 

"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."
Joseph L. Mankiewicz

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

There's nothing better than a really great day spent with your best friend, whether it's doing absolutely nothing in the comfort of one of your houses or doing something outrageous or maybe it's even both. Either way, I cherish every single moment, because I realize that carefree moments like this don't last forever and we might not always be in the same city. Someday, we'll also probably be married and have kids and bigger responsibilities with very limited time. But, for now, we have the opportunity to just be silly, talk about pointless things, enjoy being YOUNG and daydream about all of the things that we want someday and how we WILL have it all.

Marissa and I have pretty much been best friends since sophomore year. She was the "weird girl" I just happened to sit next to in yearbook, and I hadn't even signed up for yearbook. I just wanted to take the journalism class that I thought was being offered, but apparently not enough people had signed up for it. Marissa was always touching my stuff, looking through my bag and telling me all kinds of stories about her life, when I was usually just trying to work. If you knew me then, you would know it made me rather uncomfortable. Somehow her quirkiness was just what I needed in my life, and soon, I found myself sharing secrets with her, inviting her to my 16th birthday party, and texting her all the time, whether it was over something stupid I had just watched on TV or something I was feeling incredibly insecure about. Since then, she has never left my side.

I love all of my friends, whether we've known each other for 10 years or three months. I take my relationships very seriously and I just want to know that the other person is in, too. I want to know that they're not going to freak out if I tell them something that might be a little emotional or that distance/time apart isn't going to change anything about what we have. I just want to know that they care about me as much as I care about them. My relationship with Marissa has always been something special and strange at the same time. We're SO different in a lot of ways, but in the ways that really count, we're so alike and just get it. We don't talk every day, because we understand the idea of having our own thing going and not constantly needing to be together, and sometimes our schedules just don't match. But, no matter how much time passes, nothing changes. Our friendship always gets stronger with each season in our life, with each secret that is told or each crappy situation that we need to vent to the other one about.

So, now you get the point that she's amazing...And I hope everyone finds a "Marissa."

As long as we've been friends, we've done some pretty cool things together, like the American Idol finale, a taping of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we've gone to Disneyland. And then we've just been totally boring, eating junk food and watching The Office or John Krasinski movies, gabbing for hours (because we love to chat)...But, we've never really done a "sleepover" type thing. Last night, was a first.. We still couldn't believe that we'd never done it. I mean, after about eight years...WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?! She's housesitting for her grandparents, so she asked me if I wanted to spend the night. I was so in.

She picked me up after she got off work, we stopped by Chipotle (since she hadn't eaten lunch), then off we went to her grandparents. We basically spent most of our late afternoon/early night eating dinner, watching the Iron Man movies in the background, and talking. What is SO nice is that we always seem to be able to do that without ever running out of things to say or with the whole "silence" thing being an issue. With us, it just isn't...Because usually one of us is saying or laughing at something.

We really just went for it all last night. We talked about our fears, our biggest insecurities, our past relationships and friendships, what we want out of those relationships, our families, everything that goes on in our day to day lives (even though we've already text each other the second it happens) - some things are still just better to share again in person, when our grandparents passed away, what we hope for in the future...we were getting DEEP. And it was amazing. I really just don't think there's anything better than pouring your heart, knowing that the other person isn't judging you, but is just there listening, offering words of encouragement and advice when you need it. And being able to do the same in return.

And then, I made her watch the pilot of Boy Meets World, because...DUH. It's pretty much my favorite show of all time, and she had never really gotten into it. We also watched a few other episodes after that. It was pretty great. We then reminisced over the fantastic 90s clothes they were always wearing. I finally got comfy, changing into my pjs and a sweatshirt, and took off my makeup. A little while later, Marissa started falling asleep, so we went to the room that we were staying in and ended up talking more about deep life things, and fell asleep close to 3 a.m. It was so nice not feeling completely paranoid about everything for once…At least in quite awhile.

This morning, I woke up earlier than I would have if I had been at home, and I didn't even feel tired. We took our time getting up, hung out in the living room -- More talking, and then Marissa made us breakfast. YUM! We had hash browns and breakfast burritos with eggs, cheese, bacon and garlic. They were very tasty. Soon after, we both got ready, and then I decided to bring my laptop in, so we could take dumb pictures, because that's just the kind of thing we like to do.

We hadn't really had any plans set for today, but our other friend, Laura asked if we wanted to go to the mall with her and another friend, Marie. I've been saying I need to get out more and hang out with friends, so that's exactly what I did. I'm not much for shopping anymore, but it's still WAY better than hanging out at home alone just watching repeat episodes of 90s TV shows or surfing the web, like I do basically every day. This was going to be an adventure and it certainly was. 

We went to Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, Forever 21, Claire's (where I got a Katy Perry headband that I'm super excited to wear), Icing and Target. We also stopped at Starbucks so I could have a little energy boost for the remainder of the shopping trip, because those girls know how to shop for hours and I like to go in and get what I need, then get out. 
I was helping them look for a wedding present, or really just tagging along and adding my own commentary here and there LOL. And we came to the conclusion that when we all get married, we're going to surprise each other with gifts, because the wedding registry thing can be extremely stressful. Though, it was fun to imagine what we would like or want, especially all of the cooking utensils, etc. I told Marissa I'm going to make her some amazing handmade gift, so I should start brainstorming now. I want it to be epic whatever and whenever I end up giving it to her. But, I think we still have a
little time for that.

When we finished at the mall, we went to Charming Charlie's so Marissa and Laura could pick out accessories for their wedding outfits. That is one store I don't mind just browsing in or spending a couple hours. It's like a giant closet, where everything is color coordinated and you can pick something out for any occasion, and it's usually my "go-to" place when I do need something. It's kind of a problem, but a very good problem to have. A lot more fun at least.

Marissa had invited me to go back to her grandparents' house to watch movies and hang with her and Laura, but I figured I should just go home. She dropped me off, but came in for a few minutes to see how I had rearranged my room and visit with my parents. I love that most of my friends have such a good relationship with my parents and want to come in to say hi. It makes my life a lot easier. I walked Marissa out to her car and we talked about hanging out again sometime this week and mentioned multiple times how I need to just be more spontaneous and get out of the house, whether I feel like it or not. I need someone to basically force me out of the house to do something with them! haha. 

I ate dinner, which is a special soup...Now that my mom and I are on a diet. I need to healthier! I just haven't been feeling all that great and want to do a sort of detox. I do that every once in awhile, and it's nice. Then, I decided to unwind on the couch, just posting pictures to Facebook, talking to my best friend, Laurie, and just enjoying the evening with my parents. I started watching The Proposal a little while later, and I forgot how much I love that movie. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are so fantastic together. I hope they make another movie together very soon. 

Now, I'm in bed...Debating on whether I should actually try to sleep, read, catch up on New Girl....Or write. There are a number of possibilities. Hmmm... Now to see if I can actually make a decision. 

On the plus side, I am going to lunch with one of my best friends, Laurie, and we're going to catch up and talk about life....And it's going to be grand. 

That's all for now,
Shelby :)