February 15, 2012

I'm Tired Of Being Alone

I wonder why I even bother anymore? All I get is a broken heart because I've fallen for the idea of a person that was never mine in the first place. I'm not the girl that all the guys want, and I'm fine with that...I don't want to be. But, I wonder when is it going to happen for me? Love never comes knocking at my door, heck, I've never even been on a real date. I see all these incredible, special things happening to other people and wonder when it'll be my turn. I've tried to be patient, and I'm trying to see that the outcome of what God has planned will be far greater than anything I could fathom in my mind. But, the reality is that it's hard. It's hard to wait and be patient on something you don't feel will ever happen in the first place. If I knew for sure my time would come, it would put me a little more at peace. However, I can't see the outcome and it just makes this that much harder.

I was at Kay Jeweler's in the mall with my mom today (in a weird funk) and heard this John Mayer song playing over the radio. I had heard it before and remembered it, but couldn't think of the name and wanted to read the lyrics. I got out the Music I.D app on my phone, of course, and pulled it up. It was called "Love Song For No One." As I read through the words, they were exactly the sort of things I've said to myself or thought at one time or another. I really can't express it any better way than to tell you to just give this tune a listen, because it's all there. That's how I feel at this moment in time. I'm trusting God, and have to keep reminding myself that something better's out there...but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it's a struggle everyday.

The Love Song For No One 

"Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof

After all the crushes faded
And all my wishful thinking is wrong 
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Been searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for 
I'll know it 
When I see you

Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song
For no one

I could've met you in a sandbox
I could've passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
I'm tired of bein alone
So hurry up and get here
She'll be so good
She'll be so good for me!"

~John Mayer~

It's so incredibly discouraging, and the past couple days have been reminders of why I don't let myself fall or get too attached, because it's a let down every single time. 

And on that note, I think I'm gonna call it a night.


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