February 22, 2012

So, there was this guy...

"Straight out of some story
You walked in in all your glory
I thought you were perfect for me
I was outta my mind
Looked like I was winning
It was the best love I'd ever been in
Just when we were beginning
The end you left me behind
I was looking forward to a happy ending
So much for pretending

I should have known better
Than to think of happy ever after
You and me together
I was outta my league
I kept my heart hidden
Now I'm wishing that I didn't
Oh who am I kid din
You weren't even intrigued
I was looking forward to a happy ending
So much for pretending"
~Bryan White~

Alright, there is this guy. I'm honestly not quite sure why I'm expressing it via my blog, but oh well, what have I really got to lose? He seemed to have all the qualities that I was looking for in someone...and still does, he hasn't changed. That's not why I'm writing this. I haven't stopped liking him; I wish it were that easy, believe me. But, lately, I've been hearing God sort of saying, "Not now!" And let me just say, I have a hard time waiting. When there's something I want, I've always been extremely demanding and impatient. I want it now or forget it, I'll just move on. Lately, I've been working on that. I guess part of me thought it was because what I wanted was just right around the corner, and now I have no idea when it's coming, if at all.

In the midst of pulling back, I've also been hearing, "just give it time. I'm saying no right now, but that doesn't mean forever. Wait and see how things go further down the line before you start trying to change your mind." With me, it's now or never. But, something tells me this particular thing will be worth the wait.  Whoever a relationship might be with down the line. Honestly, what's the rush? Right now, I have a full life without a guy and I should focus on that. I need to focus on my relationship with God first and foremost and what He wants for me. I have dreams I want to pursue, that I've always put off and this is the time to go for them. I need to get my license and I want to get a job, while still going to school full time. I have plenty to keep me busy, and when there's down time I spend it with the girls doing crazy girl stuff like stargazing or going out to dinner.

I'm perfectly fine without a guy. I need to be fine without a guy. I don't want to be so distracted in looking for the answers, that I lose focus of God, because I just want things to go my way. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I'm ready and would know how to be in a relationship. So much more than the last time, because I know way more about myself and what I want in life. I thought I did back then, but looking back I see how wrong I was about that. Now, it's all just a matter of God's timing and planning. He is the ultimate guy to go to for that, so I'm trusting Him.

That's all for now,

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