August 24, 2013

30 Day Challenge (Day 6)

What is the hardest thing you've ever experienced?

Honestly, the hardest times in my life were probably the end of junior year and the beginning of Senior year. I had just turned 17 in January of 2009; a few days later my mom picked me up from school and told me that we had to go to the hospital right away, because my grandma had just been admitted. I honestly can't remember all of the details now, but they had found something in her check up at the doctor and she needed more attention. I also had no idea what an impact that day would have on the rest of my life, but it really did change everything. I was always incredibly close with my grandma, even though, as I got older, I didn't always call or spend as much time with her as I wish I would have now. She was always like our "4th family member." She watched me while my parents were away at work, picked me up from school, we'd make crafts together, and she always encouraged me with my dream of being a singer (I used to put on concerts to LeAnn Rimes just about every day and she would sit there, acting like it was her first time hearing all of the songs).

We found out not long after that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer, and it hit me like a ton of red bricks. I know that's one of the oldest analogies in the book, but I don't know how else to describe it. I carried a lot of pain with me on a daily basis during that time. Everything just felt really heavy. But, I think it really helped push me back towards wanting to get back to my childlike faith and relationship with Christ. I was already going through a lot with trying to get through school; friend stuff, trying to plan ahead for life after high school-like college, trying to stay involved with extracurriculars as much as I could, and then this happened. My mom and I were at the hospital after I got out of school every day, my mom was taking care of a lot of my grandma's personal things and whatever needed to be done, and family was always visiting, which really helped me through. There wasn't always a normal schedule, and that was really hard at times. Looking back, I was a little selfish, to feel like it was taking up so much of my time. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I think I just didn't like the situation altogether and didn't know what to do.

We went through that routine for about six or seven months...It was extremely difficult, especially when she finally passed away. I was younger when my other grandparents died, and I didn't know how to fully understand exactly what I was feeling at that time. This time, I knew exactly what was happening and that she wasn't coming back. Knowing that I will see her in Heaven again someday helped me through it, but it didn't take the pain away completely. It was really hard starting a new school year, while still just grieving and dealing with the loss of my grandma. But, now, when I think about that time and how God gave me the strength to get through that, I realize I can get through anything. There's a silver lining in every tough time that you go through...And this was no different. If anything, it brought me closer to my family and made me realize who's going to stick by you when you're going through a rough time. I definitely found out who my true friends were, and also people that I didn't really know who were genuinely concerned/ cared about me.

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

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