The cool California breeze blew my hair around and the hot sand burned my feet as I made my way across the beach. I closed my eyes and stood there on the shore, just taking it all in. There's sure nothing like the ocean to take away all of your cares and worries, putting your mind at ease, I thought. Truth be told, I was just so glad to have made it out of town that it honestly might not have mattered where I ended up. I packed up a few of my necessities, hopped in my car and drove down the highway. I blasted the radio, trying to drown out the noise that had been cluttering my mind for the longest time. I hadn't exactly planned on going several hours away, but I hadn't exactly planned on leaving in the first place either. And yet, here I was!
I couldn't take it back at home anymore. I had just called it off with my fiance because I realized that he wasn't the one and my family was against me on that. I had lost my job about a month ago and I hadn't had any luck with finding something else. It was time to start over. Maybe it was an irrational move and I should've tried to work things out, but right now I felt that this was the best decision for me. I was only nineteen years old. I looked around at all the kids I had graduated high school with and my closest friends! Tthey didn't have every detail of their lives planned out yet. They were taking random road trips, staying up too late, going skydiving and other things that were terrifying and exhilarating.
All of my life, everyone else in my life thought they knew what was best for me. They never once asked how I felt about it or what I wanted to do. I wanted to make everyone happy, so I went along with it. I never knew it would affect me as much as it did. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was in control and I had no idea what that meant exactly. I didn't have a clue at what I wanted to do and I had nothing planned for the future, but it felt really good. I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like a needle in a haystack on the beach that afternoon. Life was full of wonder and possibility. I didn't know what the future held, but in my heart I knew God was watching out for me. Everything would work itself out and until then, I would just figure out a way to pass the time. I had never felt so free.
I smiled like I'd never smiled before, felt the wind on my cheeks like I'd never felt it before, and dipped my toes in the water, even though they felt numb just seconds after doing it. I was starting over and this time I wasn't looking back.