February 8, 2012

The Unexpected Things

"Have you ever noticed that life's biggest blessings are often unexpected?"

This was the opening line to a book I recently started reading. It has also been something that's crossed my mind a few dozen times lately. When I think about some of the most exciting and wonderful times of my life, I realize they've been spontaneous. They aren't the moments that I've had everything lined up, every conversation scripted, or the moments where everything went smoothly and without a hitch. You can't direct life, as much as we try (and believe me, I've tried). No, they've been unforeseen circumstances that just sort of unfolded right before my eyes, out of nowhere. They've been the things that I might have thought about in passing, but didn't realize I needed. However, when they came it changed my life upside down and in the best possible ways.

How did it take me so long to realize that everything I'd ever wanted has practically been sitting right in front of me this entire time? The problem was I had a lot of unresolved problems in my heart, my mind and soul. I was insecure and timid. I was afraid of being good at something, I was afraid of failing, afraid of feeling alone, not having my expectations met, and all sorts of other things that I wasn't aware of. I never noticed that I was hard on myself; I was always dreaming, but not sure how to put it into action. My priorities were all mixed up. I was praying and praying, but my heart wasn't in it and my relationship with God was not where it needed to be. When I finally started letting Jesus take the wheel of my life, the rest started falling into place.

I've learned to let go, and I think that's the first step. When we're holding on so hard and fighting for whatever it is we want, we're missing out on what God has planned, which is a heck of a lot better. I thought that the more I kept it in my heart or daydreamed about it...well, that would make all the difference. I couldn't have been more wrong. When I gave up everything I wanted, I've started gaining everything I NEEDED. God knows the needs and desires of our heart, and let me tell you, there is a very big difference. I feel like I have more joy than I've ever had before, I'm content, and I'm genuinely happy with my life after making myself so incredibly miserable for too long.

I'm letting go of my dreams and my plans. Does that mean I'm giving up my goals and don't have anything in mind for my life? Of course not. I'm just not as attached to those as I once was. I've learned that those aren't necessarily the only paths I have to choose from, and the more flexible I am...the more God can use me!

That's all for now,

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