December 30, 2011

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!

2011 was the year of no regrets. I feel like I said everything I needed to say, when it needed to be said, and I feel like I did everything I wanted to or needed to. I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot more and God helped me find the confidence in myself that I needed. I'm finding my voice and I feel like I was finally able to start speaking up for myself without feeling like a total weasel or you know what.

I dealt with a lot of skeletons in my closet of past hurts, mistakes, and I finally let go of them. None of us are perfect, and I shouldn't beat myself up over things for the rest of my life. Acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and move on is my new motto.

I'm praying that someone special comes along very soon (because there was no one like that this year), but I'm learning not to rush it. When the right one comes along, I've learned that I won't feel so much'll just work out and make sense. I'm finally maturing and figuring out who I need to be. God knows my desires and what my heart wants, and He knows the best timing. Until then I need to just chill and let the master do His thing.

This year, I tried new things. I tried some new food, had new experiences, and it was wonderful. It gave me a sense of accomplishment, rather than sitting around feeling mopey and wondering what could have been.

There were a lot of people that faded out of my life this year, or I just started realizing that things just aren't what they used to be, and instead of holding onto those memories; I let them go. But, as these people were fading out, God sent some wonderful new people into my life. Now, they will never replace the others, and I wouldn't want them to. But, He saw that I needed friends in my own way, and I feel like that has also brought me closer to Him in the long run. In the couple months that I have known them now (and I've talked about them quite a bit on here), we've been having an absolute blast. Relationships are a very precious thing to me and aren't something I take lightly. I think I've taken them for granted in the past at times, and how blessed I've been with the people that love and support me. Relationships with God and people are the most important things in the world, and I hope that this coming year I will learn to love deeply and passionately, more than I ever before. That instead of "talking" about doing it, I would show people in the way I act.

I'm finding that dreams change; don't limit yourself, because God can bring up all sorts of crazy scenarios that you never thought possible. It's okay if things don't turn out exactly the way you've always dreamed of. Maybe I'll never see my name in lights, but maybe I'll make an impact on this world in other ways. As long as I'm following God's plan, that's all I need. That's what I consider successful.

I've learned to be okay with who I am and how I look. My appearance doesn't define me. The world might judge me on that, but God, my family and friends (the ones that matter) don't. I'm probably never gonna be a size two, though I've honestly never tried. But honestly, I like having a little meat on my bones. It makes me REAL. I'm finding out what true beauty is everyday. This world is extremely fickle and the one thing I can always count on is God. He never leaves me, always believes in me, and always pulls me through whatever situation I'm faced with, even when I'm doubting Him. But, that has taught me not to do just that. He knows what He's doing.

I've found a courage in myself this year that I never thought I could have. All of a sudden speaking in front of people doesn't seem so bad. Being that I'm a communications/Journalism major, you would think that wouldn't be a problem, but public speaking has never been my forte; I was always the "shy, quiet" one. Over the years, I have come out of my shell a lot. The idea of walking into a room full of strangers doesn't make me as anxious as it used to, and I can speak a lot more confidently off the cuff. This year, speaking actually became something I'm comfortable with and could see myself enjoying as part of my profession. Do I still feel like I'm going to pass out every time I walk to the front of the room? Absolutely. But, it's so worth it after the fact. It's more of a good kind of nervous this time around. You have no idea how excited that makes me.

2011 has been really good to me. I've had a lot of great experiences, some rocky moments. I've felt "depressed." I've been joyful.  I've had moments of hate and bitterness. I've been loving and kind. I've lost people I thought once cared a lot about me and I've gained friends for life. I've hurt and I've healed. I've had a blast and I've been down. I've let things go and I've learned about ME. The older I get, the more I realize who I am and what I want out of life..

I think I'm gonna call 2012 the year of no expectations. The year of mystery, if you will. Sure, I have things I want to change, but as far as predictions and dreams I hope come true? I think I'm just gonna ride the wave on this one and see where I wash up. I'm not in control. If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that God is in the driver's seat, and I'm merely the passenger. So, let the Lord's will be done, and I'll be a happy camper!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! <3 (It's officially New Year's Eve Eve)

With love,

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