August 15, 2012

Growing Up

Growing up is a hard thing to do. We tell ourselves that nothing will change, and we do our best to make sure that those things like traditions or the friends we've made along the way will remain the same. But, somewhere along that journey, we become victims to change. A lot of times, it's without us realizing it. But, all of a sudden we have different opinions, different tastes, different likes, and in the end it changes us. It's not a bad thing, it's just part of life. We're allowed to change our minds, but is it going to make us different than we were at age five? Yeah, probably.

I still think the hardest thing is watching those that you've known for years start to change, and suddenly you can start to see the distance between the two of you. Either you had tried to act as though it didn't exist or for the first time you're really seeing clearly. You start opening your eyes to the fact that no longer are you agreeing on everything, no longer are you waiting to make plans with the other person like you used to, and that it simply isn't jr. hi or high school. You can't foresee the future when you're just 13-17 years old. You don't think your life will change much after high school, but oh boy, does it ever. I've held onto too many relationships for so long, waiting and hoping for that day when things would be different...But, they never are. Time and time again, I'd let my heart get broken. I'd become bitter about it. No more of any of that, though. I've just decided to pick up the pieces and move on.

I'm sure I've said this before, and I'll say it again... Some people come into our lives for only a season, and there are others who you know will just always be there for the long haul- no matter what hardships the relationship might endure in the meantime. The line Peyton Sawyer said on One Tree Hill will always sum this up best for me, and maybe that's why I'm finding that I related to her the most (Though I don't necessarily always want to), "People always leave." As sad as it is, in my experience they usually do. I've tried so hard to keep friendships. But, it seems that I was always the one reaching out. They all seem to care, but don't do anything about it. It's like the domino effect...As soon as I start to feel secure with some friendships, I feel those start to slip away as well.  Most of the time when other friends would want to get together with me, which is rare, I would already have plans that day. It's like nothing ever seems to add up. After awhile, you get tired of trying...Maybe that's how it feels on both sides of the spectrum. I'm probably to blame too, for being a party pooper in high school and not wanting to do much. I was just more of a homebody and liked one-on-one settings, rather than a whole group...It's nicer that way to me.

Anyway, I'm moving on. I'm not going to get hung up on friends I don't talk to anymore, or the ones that just don't seem to care. This is MY year, and I'm not stopping for anyone. If you want to be in my life, then you know where to find me-I'm not that hard to locate, considering I'm on just about every social media site around, and post quite a bit. You have time for everyone else, but just not me, apparently. I get that I don't have my driver's license, but other friends have sure seemed to get in touch with me in spite of that little setback. I've always been a sensitive soul. I feel everything that goes on around me, so it's a good thing I write to express everything that goes through my mind. Which is a lot, believe me. I used to sit there and really dwell on whether I had enough friends like everyone else in high school, whether I was hanging out with them enough, etc. Now, I've learned to not want so many friends. Don't get me wrong, I do have a lot of friends from all over, but not because I've made that my goal. I appreciate and hang out with people that have the same beliefs, goals, interests, and are heading in the same direction that I am now. I'm not the same girl I was even just two years ago. I'm a lot more outspoken that I used to be, and I feel a lot more confident in the opinions that I have...Well, I guess some areas need work, but that's another story altogether. I want friends that are going to encourage me and help me grow in my walk with Christ...and simple enough, just want to be around me. Is that too much to ask for?

So, I'm going to appreciate the people I still talk to and even the ones I don't anymore. They'll always be a part of me and a big reason in the way I am right now. They were important parts of my life at one time, and that will never change. It's all just the circle of life. People come and go. You learn to get used to it.

That's all for now,

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