July 11, 2014

Just go for it.

You know, I'm all about going for risks and taking big opportunities, even when I haven't necessarily planned for them. If a great opportunity comes out of the blue, but I'm still terrified, more than likely I'm still going to go for it. But, for some reason when it comes to the simple things like hanging out with friends or trying a new Bible study, I have THE hardest time venturing out. I'm a planner and I like to know a lot of details before I just jump into something a good portion of the time. And I have some theories about why that is. 

I feel like if it's something that can help me make an advance in my "career," then I'm all about it and I do it without a second thought. I'll pray about the outcome and that's that. It's pretty simple - You just go out there and do it. 

But, my friend and I were just texting and it really opened my eyes.

I've been trying to work up the nerve to go to a new Bible study that a couple of them (my friends) have been going to. Every week, I keep thinking I'm going to go, but then as the week starts going, I start rethinking it and usually come up with some excuse. It's too far, I don't drive at night, my parents probably wouldn't want to pick me up that late, I'm just feeling too tired, etc. My friend said she was going to the second Bible study on Sunday night and was asking if I wanted to go to that one instead. Suddenly, a somewhat panic rose up in me...And at the same time, I felt like it was an out. 

I told her that I was already starting to second guess going on Sunday anyway, and that I was still trying to pump myself up for it...It's just a mental thing that I really need to get over. She sent me back this message ... "It's always our minds that get the best of us! That's why many times in the Bible we are to pray for our minds...asking God to renew it because our minds tend to do and believe different things than our hearts or souls."

Ahhh, now I get it. I talk myself into feeling this way really. And the more I've started thinking about it lately, I'm okay with putting myself out there for career/job opportunities, because that really just comes down to me. If I'm rejected, it's because of business and I try not to take that too personally anymore. It is what it is. When I'm talking to people, I can ask them questions and get the information I need and then we both move on...Everyone's happy. But, with an actual relationship/friendship, things can get trickier. Those are the REAL things. Real emotions and sometimes messy situations that can grow even more complicated. 

You know too much about one another, you're together too often...Things are bound to happen. I never thought that I was one of those girls, but I have a tendency to get scared and pulled back. I can be all in at the beginning, because it's exciting getting to know new people or have conversations that you've never had before, but suddenly...It's just too much. And then, it's annoying. When I'm "working," I don't deal with that. It's all very strategic and planned out, for the most part.

I see now that I need to continue to ask God to help me have an open mind when it comes to hanging out with people I know and trust. To be more daring and willing to try new things in my everyday life, not just the things that I can be in control of, because it's not always that easy. But, I don't want to miss out on incredible moments with my friends and family, just because I get too comfortable living in my own little world, where nothing can touch me or things aren't messy. We were meant to live messy, out of the ordinary lives...So, now's my chance.

That's all for now,

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