March 6, 2014

{taking pictures in my mind}

So, it was almost 1 a.m. (possibly even later) when I decided to start looking at video clips to edit in iMovie. I usually get inspired in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. What can I say? Well, when I tried to click on the library to import more videos or to find clips, it seemed like everything I was looking for was missing. I gave it a few minutes and tried several times, but nothing worked.

I decided to go into iPhoto itself to check for movies, since sometimes iMovie just wigs out. When I went into iPhoto, I realized that everything was completely gone. Every single one of my pictures was gone. My heart dropped. I just sat there staring at the screen like, 'No, this can't be happening.' 

Pictures/memories are so precious to me that I'm always paranoid of losing them. But, I never planned for anything of this magnitude to happen. It keeps saying that my "startup disk" is full, so I figured when spring break comes in a couple of weeks, I would get around to organizing my videos and hopefully getting rid of a few things, like I'd been trying to do in the last few days.

It seemed like there just had to be some sort of glitch. They had to be there. I had deleted a few pictures, but I would've known if the entire library just went away like that. More than likely, it wouldn't have let me shut down the computer the night before. This was bizarre. I started googling forums to find out if there was anything I could do, I was looking in my "finder," and everywhere else to see whether they had just slipped into some other category.

I restarted the computer to see if something had just gone wonky for a minute. But, when it powered back up? Nothing.

I turned off the computer and felt sick. I kept trying to think of what else I had done that might have caused everything to just vanish, but couldn't come up with a conclusion. I started googling more ideas, then turned the computer back on to try a few more. Still nothing.

I kept praying for some sort of miracle, but then I had to face the fact that they were all GONE.

The past two years of my life in photos are completely gone. Visiting "Tree Hill," concert footage from Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, etc., pictures with family and friends, Catalyst, Nashville trips, my daily life around school, the vlogs I've been making of this new journey I'm on with following my dreams, the Golden Globe awards, etc. I could go on and on. I take pictures of just about every detail in my life.

But, then something occurred to me. Just because the pictures aren't there anymore doesn't mean the memories didn't happen. It doesn't mean I didn't take those trips or meet those celebrities or laugh that hard with my family. It sucks, yes, because I love making videos and I love watching certain moments again. All I can say is that I'm thankful for social media in times like these, because I still have my moments documented all over : Albums on Facebook, edited pictures on Instagram, and of course, blogs. Luckily, I journal in every little detail as well…And I'll always have the memories in my heart. Yup, cheese fest.

That's all for now,

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