My dad had to work yesterday, so it was just my mom and I hanging out at home. I was trying to get my math homework done, so I spent most of the morning/afternoon doing that, while watching E!, and later on, whatever cheesy movie on Lifetime was on. I was really starting to grow anxious, annoyed, and I was ready to have a meltdown. But, just as I was ready to have my meltdown, it was time to get ready to head to church for a concert by Mercy Me, that was being held there. I was kind of starting to wish that I wasn't going. I felt like I had so much to do and just wanted to stay home...But, I figured since I was going, I should try to make the most of it. Well, it turned out to be the best thing I could have done.
We met up with my aunt in line, because they hadn't opened the doors yet, and just talked, waiting to go inside. Everyone immediately found their seats, then a few minutes later, my mom, aunt and I went to the coffeehouse so my aunt could get something to drink. We ran into our friend/pastor's wife and caught up with her for a few minutes, then went inside to just wait out the next 15 minutes or so before the show started.
I walked away feeling so blessed and full of God's peace. Everything I had been doubting or questioning or worrying about was eased by the words that the lead singer of Mercy Me spoke on, and just lifted the weight that had been on my heart.
This is something I wrote down during the intermission of the concert:
I have been beaten down this week by self doubt, fear, and the idea floating over my head that I'm just not good enough. It was like a domino effect of one thing happening, leading to past mistakes I've made, insecurities of my appearance or my clothes not fitting right or looking good, and fear of the future that I will never be good enough to reach the goals that I've always dreamed of and prayed for over the years. The words that people have spoken over me and have hurt me with echoed back in my ears, as well as other things that have scarred me pretty badly this year. I have had this ache in my heart and a seed of bitterness and anger towards the world again, which is something I've really been working on this year, and it hasn't been this bad in a long time. It's those things that have wanted to keep me down in a dark hole, where no one can reach me.
After listening to the words spoken at the concert, though, I had so many other reassurances from God; He is crazy about me. I don't have to be anything other than who I am right now, and I don't have to "please" Him...That's why we need a Savior. We don't have to hold onto everything and we don't have to live up to all of these crazy expectations, because He is ALWAYS there alongside us. It gives me peace to know that no matter how many times I screw up, He loves me just the same and still believes in me and knows that I can do great things.
The concert itself was incredible, as well. They had so many amazing elements to the show, like lighting and TV screens the had visuals and sometimes lyrics on them, correlating with the song. The first half was of their own music, as well as inspiring words, and they spoke on an organization called Compassion, that helps spread the love of God around the world, as well as sponsor a child to give them a better life. It really touched my heart, and it has been on my mind lately, that I'd really like to go on a missions trip. I've been so blessed in my life, and I want to give back in some way. That short talk led to an intermission.
The second half of the show was all about Christmas! They covered a lot of the classics, and even one they'd written themselves about Joseph's story in this beautiful miracle. They decorated the stage with old fashioned Christmas lights and even got a little festive themselves. It was a lot of fun, singing along and getting into the Christmas spirit.
When the concert ended, we had dinner around 10:45 at Denny's! Even as incredible and touching as the concert was, I was still not necessarily in the most chipper of moods, but I was trying. Once you get into a weird funk, sometimes it's hard to come out of them, but I did perk up a little once I got food in my system.
I wasn't tired when we got home, so I messed around with photoshop for a little while, watched The Office and went to bed.
After setting my alarm twice, and still not waking up either of those times, I finally woke up around 9, and decided to get ready. I was feeling super tired and not really in the mood for church, which is something I have been struggling with a lot lately. My parents and I found a seat, and worship had already started. I find so much joy and peace through worship, and while my head has been completely chaotic with all kinds of end of the year projects and whatever else pops up, I felt okay after that.
We had a guest pastor speak from Arkansas, who I believe is also Kris Allen's pastor back there, or was at one time. He was so good! He touched on a lot of the things I've been dealing with, as well as some of the things that had been mentioned at the concert the night before.
There are so many times that we aren't aware of God's plan in our life. It's up to us and the moves we make that show His greater plan in what we do. There are a few actions that we can take to follow through with:
- Confidence in our approach to God. When we are weighted down by condemnation and guilt, it takes over us and we aren't close enough to God to hear what He's saying, because we're too weighted down by our problems.
- Dream dreams again. We have to get involved and go after what we want; God loves to hear His people talk about their dreams, that's why He gives them to us. Why do we always hesitate when it comes to making moves with the important things? I know with me, it's because I'm scared of failing.
- We have to have confidence in our approach with people. You don't have to be intimidated by other people. I get intimidated by people a lot, because a lot of times...I think I'm not good enough or I can't possibly compare to others doing the same things that I am, but we're all on different journeys for a reason.
- Be sincere in your approach to God. God knows our hearts and can tell when we're pretending or acting like we have it all together. He doesn't expect us to either. That's why we need a Savior...To save us from ourselves.
- We have to make the move to encourage others. Our great commission in life is to help others, love others and encourage them through our struggles. We're all here to help one another out as cliche as it sounds. That is our true calling. Don't wait...Go for it now.
We came home, talked to my family on Skype, which had me busting up. My grandpa asked who the guy in my profile picture is. I answered, "Uh..Oh, it's just a guy from a band I like." My uncle clarified that it was a celebrity and not someone I actually knew. He later said that he was a nice looking guy and that I should be with him sort of thing, which I don't mind at all. But, I think it will be very difficult to pull that off. I also told him that he can pray for him, though. He said he would. My parents carried on conversation with the rest of the family, while I wrote down quotes I found from Pinterest, which kept me entertained.
That night, my parents and I went to dinner, and checked out a few Christmas lights in a pretty famous neighborhood around town. The houses are incredibly beautiful, and there are usually a lot of them decorated this time of year. I compare it to that of the neighborhood of the "Disney Community." Yes, many would tell you that I am the only one who would think of that. It's okay.
We came home after our little excursion and ended up watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. Cheesy? Yes, indeed it was. But, I think the best ones are.
It was a great weekend. Now, it's time to hit the books and focus on finishing out this semester. Yay....
That's all for now,