December 1, 2011


Me right now! ....oops!
College is supposed to be a wonderful time in our life, right? And don't get me wrong, it is. I wasn't a fan of high school. I think I did have a bad attitude about it, but either way, I was ready for other things. For some reason, I had this "magical" idea in my head that as soon as I got out of high school I was going to move to Nashville or Hollywood, and I'd be living the dream right now. I'd be working on music or I'd be writing the next great American novel, or hanging out with Jennifer Aniston and Ryan Reynolds by now, or getting ready for my European tour (yes, I realize I'm a little delusional and living in a fantasy world). But, the reality of it is that I'm here in front of my computer, in my living room, watching Ellen, like I pretty much do every afternoon, blogging. Why? Because I feel like this is as close as I can get to what I want to do right now...writing. 

I'm going to a community college right now to get my basic classes out of the way before I can transfer to another university, and it's only supposed to take two years, right? Wrong. It'll probably end up taking me 2 1/2-3 years out there. It either ends up being too many classes, so I end up spreading them out to the following semester, or it's too much money to take the class load that I have. I just feel like I'm going to be at square one the rest of my life, and at some point, I'd like to get out of town. Right now, that seems like a long shot, and I'm not quite ready, but I would love to branch out and do more. The things I want, I can't get here. And it's just really discouraging at the moment when I think of what comes after this. I have no idea. I know what I want, but what will I be able to make it happen? Is it what God has planned for me? I have no idea. And that really scares me.

Maybe now is the time to just dive in. Try new things. Maybe I'll fail, but maybe it'll be the best thing for me. Now is the time to enjoy hanging out with friends and family, do what I love without worrying too much about money, and to not be afraid to make mistakes. I'm young and the world's full of opportunities, I just have to learn to take them when they come, instead of waiting for something to fall out of the sky. Dreams change, and things don't work out, but there's no time like the present to find out what does.

So, right now, I need to focus on the last assignments of class, finals coming up, and just getting through each day. I'll think about life as it comes, and give it up to God. I think He's trying to teach me patience and to trust in Him more. I'm a control freak; I like to call the shots with my life, and know what's coming next. I like to plan, and have everything lined up. I'm not a fan of spontaneous things (well, depending on what it is).  But, God's in control, and I have to know that it's not up to me. Things will happen when they're supposed to. Until then, I need to enjoy just being and not worrying over things that aren't in my control. *Deep breath* Ready, set, GO!

That's all for now,

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