August 23, 2012
Oh, what has my life come to? I wake up at 11:00 or so, eat breakfast/drink coffee, write a little for some stories I'm working on, make sure that I'm in front of the TV on time for all of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, and whatever else is on during the day), I read blogs for inspiration, and sometimes I actually get things done of what I've been looking up ideas online for. All while sitting in generally the same exact spot all day on the couch. I eat dinner, hang out with my dad for a bit, and then watch One Tree Hill again as I fall asleep somewhere around 3:00 a.m. It's like I'm always wide awake at all the wrong hours and tired at all the wrong moments throughout the day. I'm home all day. Everyone is either too busy having a life-going to work, running errands or leaving town, getting ready for school to start. Or they're just too busy to remember me. And I'm too tired to make plans, if I'm being honest.
I'm hoping that once school starts, I'll get back into some sort of normal groove, because I'm driving myself crazy. It's like when you've had surgery and are on bed rest for quite some time, and you start going stir crazy. That's how I feel, only I haven't had the surgery. It's like I get comfortable with the safety of not doing anything. But, how is that going to help me in the long run? I have all these dreams and goals, but I'm not willing to just put myself out there and see what happens. I've gotten lazy. I haven't been taking the time to do the things that I need to. I put things off until absolutely necessary.
I need to stop waiting and talking...and sounding like a broken record. Luckily, it seems that I'm not alone when I see Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook filled with stories like mine. Ah, the 20s...What an incredibly confusing time. Here, I thought high school was bad, but as life goes on, the more gets thrown at ya. My life is REALLY easy right now. I have things really good. I guess I'm scared of what comes after that really easy thing-paying bills, doing things on my own, graduating community college and moving on to a university, etc. I tune it out a lot of the time, and that's why I revert to watching TV religiously...I get out of my own problems and focus on someone else's. I just keep telling myself, 'Well, at least I'm going to school and working towards that.' But, is it really enough?
Sometimes it's good to face reality.