August 15, 2011

Growing Pains

Alright, while I'm a big fan of the late 80s show, Growing Pains, that's not what this is about. This is about the inevitability of growing up. I can't say that I'm really a fan of it. Okay, I am, because it can be pretty empowering, but there are a lot of aspects about it that just scare me. I have no idea what's ahead, I don't even think I know what I want anymore. When I was younger, I thought I had everything figured out. I thought I was going to be a singer/actress, I'd be on tour by the time I hit this age, and married to Justin Timberlake by now. I guess God has other plans...LOL. Well, I've always known what area I'd like to work in, but now it's a matter of narrowing it down, and I feel like I have no idea of where to begin. I want to be a journalist, but like I've said there are other areas that really interest me too. Question is...Do I have what it takes?

It's overwhelming. I lie in bed at night (A LOT) thinking about the future, what lies ahead, and how I have no clue, except for the fact that I'm really good at freaking myself out. I'm going to school, but who knows when I'll be finished with my basics? I feel like it's going to end up taking a lot longer than I realized. I want to get out there and start my career, but instead I'm at community college (which is great, I love the school, the classes, and the people), but sometimes it's just a little discouraging. I want to do something with writing, entertainment, reporting, etc. That much I do know! But, it's just a matter of figuring out what is attainable now, and how do I get into something like that. I think that has always been the problem. I'm a dreamer, by nature. I've always aimed for the sky; the impossible. I don't want to settle for a job that I'm not happy in or have no desire to be doing, just because it pays the bills. I know that might sound crazy, and it is, but that's what is in my heart. Whatever I end up doing I want to make a difference, that's my goal.

I know it will all work out in time; God always works things out. Now, it's my turn to take advantage of the opportunities that come my way, work hard, and see what path God wants me to take. I have to wait for the right doors to open at the right time. PATIENCE (a concept I seem to have a hard time grasping). I'm open to anything. I think the problem is that I've been so set in my ways, that I'm missing out on what He's trying to direct me to, and here I am worrying/stressing for nothing.

Sorry if I've rambled and made no sense at all, it's late, and I've just been doing a lot of thinking!

That's all for now,

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