I have officially finished my third week of school, and so far things are still going pretty well. I've been meeting a lot of great people and I've been trying to make as many connections as possible and best of all the homework still hasn't been too bad. But, I'm not going to lie...I definitely feel very overwhelmed, only not so much with school. It's more about what comes after and having a career! Will what I did here do enough to get me a good job or an open door that leads to a wonderful opportunity?
Right now, I feel like I'm comparing myself to everyone else out there, competing for the same job that I am or will be. I'm comparing writing styles..This person did that so much better than me, she has more description, he has more statistics, etc. I've had a lot of doubts and have been mentally questioning whether I have what it takes to really interview people and do all the things that I've envisioned for my life all these years of being on the red carpets and working for an entertainment site. Maybe it's because I'm still getting used to the campus and all of my classes, but I feel like I'm becoming more quiet and reserved, and right now is the time that I need to be speaking up and making a name for myself. Right now is all I have, and I'm finding out that there is NO room for being shy as an adult. I do so much better with one on one, but I'm going to have to get used to groups. I suddenly feel like I'm starting to over think and analyze everything, instead of just being who I am. It's like I feel confined.
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, and it's okay to be nervous in front of crowds and it's okay to feel a little terrified. It's going to take some time to adjust...Nothing happens over night. Let's face it, Ryan Seacrest was "Ryan Seacrest" when American Idol started. So, maybe there's hope yet.
Journalism is a lot tougher than I ever realized. I always heard about people saying that you had to have tough skin, but didn't really think that much about it. When one of your biggest fears is rejection, the entertainment business is definitely not the place to go. But, it's THE only thing I have ever been drawn to. I've never seen myself working at a regular job. I've always known that this was a calling from God, but now that it's here, it's going to be so much more challenging than I ever imagined. The biggest thing I have to start doing is to stop comparing myself to other people and just do what I know. I can't be concerned with how other people are getting to the top, I just have to focus on what I'm doing and figure out what it is that makes me shine. And right now, I'm really wondering what that is.
In a world so big, how in the world am I going to stand out? *sigh* Sorry, if this was a rambling post...My thoughts are a little all over the place currently.
That's all for now,