Who has ever really dreamed of getting married. All of my life, I've been dreaming of being on American Idol, or moving to a big city, or doing something really great with my life. Marriage has never been one of those things on my to do list in the future...I've never felt like you need to spend the rest of your life with someone to be happy. I always thought the single life was the way to go, but a couple of years ago I started changing my way of thinking. I guess if you find that one person that makes it all seem worth it, then it really is a beautiful thing. It's scary putting yourself out there like that.
I guess I was just tired of being disappointed in people; getting my hopes up and being let down every single time. You end up putting a guard up, because you know it's just going to happen again. I want to believe the best in people like I used to. But, it's hard when you've been burned. I really looked after people; I tried to make whatever problem they were having better, and I was sensitive to their feelings, but people didn't seem to feel the same way towards me. Plus, I blame my sensitivity. I might come across tough at times or like I don't care, but at the core I'm fragile and care too much. I've learned not to put all of my happiness and trust in one person, because whether our friends or family want to or mean to, they will let us down. There's only person that will NEVER FAIL us, and that's God. I think once I wrap my mind around that, I'll have a better understanding of what love is. When my relationship with God is where it needs to be, everything else will fall into place in His timing. I also need to learn a little thing called patience while we're at it ;).
So, until I find the one that God has in mind for me, I'm just going to take it all one step at a time...enjoy time with friends and family, and learn not to worry so much. When the right one comes along, I'll know :)
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