Ah, the joys of being a girl in college. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying these years! I feel like I've had time to branch out a little more and get involved, as well as continue towards the career I want to have. I've been growing a lot, and that's important too. However, I never imagined it would be so hard to figure everything out for the future. I thought since I knew what I wanted to major in, it would be smooth sailing from there. But, I tend to feel just as lost and confused. I feel like I'm where God wants me to be, heading to where He wants me to go, but at the same time still feel like I'm just not doing enough.
I'm getting towards the end of my time at the junior college I'm attending, yet I feel like I'm nowhere closer than when I started. It's like all of these classes I've been taking aren't quite adding up to transfer to another school, which just really makes me question why I'm even still sticking it out.
I just feel like I'm wasting time, while it seems like everyone else has it figured out. I feel like I'm constantly wandering around, just hoping it all works out in the end. I know that everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan, but it's not always easy to remember. I just don't want to be stuck here the rest of my life, and right now, I feel like that's where I'm at.
At family gatherings, I feel like I'm bombarded by questions of the future. It's probably not quite that dramatic, but in my mind it is. I worry enough on my own, so I don't want to feel like I have to answer to everyone exactly what I want to do or where I see myself or how I'm going to transfer or what colleges I've checked into, because I don't know if I'm certain about any of those things myself right now. Since I was five, I've known what I wanted to do, but the closer that "real life" gets, I feel like I have no idea. I'm so lost at what comes next.
I always have breakdowns at all the wrong moments: when I'm out of town, in a restaurant, in a car full of people, or somewhere else that's just really inconvenient. I'm tired of hearing people tell me or act like I'm never going to move or I'm going to need to marry rich, just because I don't necessarily do much now (no job at the moment) and I can be a little high maintenance. I'm going to school to get a degree in a field that I really enjoy, so that I can make a decent living for myself. It's not like I'm just lying around doing nothing at all. I intend to get a job soon, but I've been trying to focus on school for the most part. I want to prove them all wrong, that's all I have to say.
I just hope to see some changes happen pretty soon, because I'm tired of being at a stand still. I want to see some big changes.
That's all for now,
Shelby
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