Time keeps on slippin' into the future

It's funny how you usually just need a bit of time to put things into perspective for you.

Last summer, I was stressing wondering how starting the new university would be. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to handle the workload, meeting new people, or whether it would get me to the job I wanted, and more than anything, I was afraid of making mistakes. I just wanted to fast forward time to walking across the stage and moving to Nashville. I was trying to rush the process, but what I soon learned is that the process/the journey is everything.

And now, as I'm enjoying my summer break, I also feel like I need to get back out there. I need to be doing something. Writing. Taking chances. Because now I know that I can handle it. I know that I'm good enough, and I'm capable of making things happen. There's no reason to compare myself to others or to wonder if I should be doing something like them. God has a specific plan for me, and if it's meant to happen, it will. I KNOW for a fact that it will this time.

It's just funny how all you need is a little time. A little time to grow into the role that you were born to play. A little time to gain experience. A little time to learn from others who have been there before and can pass on advice. A little time to get comfortable with the tasks that you have yet to accomplish. A little time to give yourself room to grow and that you're not going to have it all together right away. I'm still getting there, and that's okay.

I'm having a blast getting there anyway. I'm not getting distracted by the daydreams anymore, because now, those daydreams are right in front of me and I don't want to miss out on the opportunities.

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

Change is inevitable and growing up is a process

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go." 

~The Wonder Years~

It seems that there comes a certain time in your life, where it's nothing but a series of hellos and goodbyes. I think it all just comes with growing up, but no one ever warns you about that part. Sure, they tell you that you should cherish the times you have with your friends in high school, because it's never going to be the same...But, they don't always tell you HOW. Lately, it seems like everyone that I grew up with are starting to move on with their lives, and rightfully so, but it's still hard. It's like I just keep saying goodbye to some of the closest people in my life and welcoming in new people. I guess that's the circle of life, but I can't say that I'm too fond of it just yet. 

It never occurred to me in high school that so many of my friends were going to move away for college, and that they wouldn't always be there when I wanted to hang out. I certainly took that for granted in our teen years. I thought there would always be time for it. So, a lot of times when they'd ask me to come over for random hangouts or watching movies, I'd pass and think "next time." But, next time didn't necessarily come until it was too late. I was very much a homebody and could find an excuse to get out of hanging out. It wasn't because I wanted to, but I was just very quiet and liked smaller groups or just one-on-one get togethers. 

But, as we started going through college, I missed what we all once had - Eating lunches together every day, working on the homecoming float, talking during boring assemblies, celebrating birthdays and holidays, when we had all the time in the world and sometimes Laurie would be at my house all day, random trips to Starbucks, texting all day long and complaining about what seemed to be so rough at the time. To be honest, it has only gotten harder now that most of my friends have graduated before I have. A lot of them have returned, but now something even weirder has happened...They're actual adults with jobs out in the real world. And they're moving. And getting married. WHAT IS GOING ON? We're not pretending anymore, and now we just have to go out in the world and find out who we are. 

Today, I said "goodbye" to my best friend, Laurie, as she is moving to Arizona next week. She's been going to school in Michigan, so our relationship has changed quite a bit over the years, but at the same time it has stayed exactly the same and we can pick up exactly where we left off. Strange, huh? We used to talk practically 24/7...Even if it was just something simple like, 'what's on your mind?' or 'what are your plans for tonight?' But, we'd also get into much deeper discussions about our faith, life, and gave each other advice about the issues we were dealing with. 

Well, we soon found that the time difference is a lot trickier than we had imagined when she moved to Michigan. We both had way different schedules; she would practically be done with classes for the day when I was just getting ready to head to class, or when she was free to Skype, I was getting started on homework or eating dinner. So, we haven't talked quite as often and there hasn't always been time to hang out when she would come back to town during the summer or at Christmas. The conversations were shorter and much farther apart than both of us probably would have liked. And we'd always talk about making all of these plans, watching certain movies or going out on silly adventures...But, most of the time we didn't. 

The thing is...You always think you have so much time, and that can be with anything. But, suddenly, the hour glass runs out of sand and you have to learn to adapt to what you're left with. We both thought that when she came back for the summer, that we would have so much time to do all the things we wanted, but then she became employed...And her summer sort of came to a halt, as did all of our plans. When we went to the baseball game the day I got out of school, I thought we were going to have so much time left, but again...It goes a lot quicker than you think. She leaves Monday, and I couldn't believe it. 

So today, Laurie and I had lunch at Panera. YUM! We sat out on the patio, but luckily didn't sweat to death, even though it was incredibly hot out. Plus, there was a lot more room than there would have been inside and we could actually get into deeper conversation, instead of having to keep our voices lower or having a hard time hearing one another. She told me all about the stuff she'd gotten for her apartment and updating me on how she's been this summer. I told her more about the paper and how I'm just ready to be done with school and all of the other craziness that life has brought lately. There are usually so many things I want to say, but don't always get the chance during our text conversations. 

After lunch and chatting awhile, we decided to make a video (per my request) and took some pictures. Then, Laurie brought me home. She came in for a few minutes to talk with my mom, then she had to leave. We said that we'd have to Skype more, and I hope that we're actually able to follow through with that this time. 

I'm so thankful that even though things are different and we've both changed a bit, we can still find the same groove...Only this time, we're older and wiser than we once were ;). I know that even if we go for months without talking or our conversations don't last all night like they once did, I can still call her and she'd be there to say a prayer for me or to just listen to me vent about something. That's the most comforting thing of all. And years from now, we'll be able to hang out and talk about how we overcame it all. Together and apart. 

Just like I hope you find a Marissa, I hope you find a Laurie in your life as well. Someone who is loyal and won't leave your side, and it will still always make an effort to be in your life, no matter how busy your schedule is or the distance that might separate you. 

So, while a lot of my family members are moving away and starting new chapters in their lives and other friends are moving away, graduating and starting their careers, it gives me hope that my time is coming soon. Until then, I will enjoy the remainder of college and the fact that some of my friends are still in town...And I don't have to pay for everything right now and can afford to sleep in. But, I am SO excited for everything that's coming up for them and that their hard work is paying off. I'm sure that is an incredible feeling. Our lives are really just beginning. I guess there's really no reason to look back just yet.

Just a few quotes: 

"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."
~Susan B. Anthony

"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you." 
-"Cheers"

"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."
Joseph L. Mankiewicz

That's all for now,

Shelby :)

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

There's nothing better than a really great day spent with your best friend, whether it's doing absolutely nothing in the comfort of one of your houses or doing something outrageous or maybe it's even both. Either way, I cherish every single moment, because I realize that carefree moments like this don't last forever and we might not always be in the same city. Someday, we'll also probably be married and have kids and bigger responsibilities with very limited time. But, for now, we have the opportunity to just be silly, talk about pointless things, enjoy being YOUNG and daydream about all of the things that we want someday and how we WILL have it all.

Marissa and I have pretty much been best friends since sophomore year. She was the "weird girl" I just happened to sit next to in yearbook, and I hadn't even signed up for yearbook. I just wanted to take the journalism class that I thought was being offered, but apparently not enough people had signed up for it. Marissa was always touching my stuff, looking through my bag and telling me all kinds of stories about her life, when I was usually just trying to work. If you knew me then, you would know it made me rather uncomfortable. Somehow her quirkiness was just what I needed in my life, and soon, I found myself sharing secrets with her, inviting her to my 16th birthday party, and texting her all the time, whether it was over something stupid I had just watched on TV or something I was feeling incredibly insecure about. Since then, she has never left my side.

I love all of my friends, whether we've known each other for 10 years or three months. I take my relationships very seriously and I just want to know that the other person is in, too. I want to know that they're not going to freak out if I tell them something that might be a little emotional or that distance/time apart isn't going to change anything about what we have. I just want to know that they care about me as much as I care about them. My relationship with Marissa has always been something special and strange at the same time. We're SO different in a lot of ways, but in the ways that really count, we're so alike and just get it. We don't talk every day, because we understand the idea of having our own thing going and not constantly needing to be together, and sometimes our schedules just don't match. But, no matter how much time passes, nothing changes. Our friendship always gets stronger with each season in our life, with each secret that is told or each crappy situation that we need to vent to the other one about.

So, now you get the point that she's amazing...And I hope everyone finds a "Marissa."

As long as we've been friends, we've done some pretty cool things together, like the American Idol finale, a taping of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we've gone to Disneyland. And then we've just been totally boring, eating junk food and watching The Office or John Krasinski movies, gabbing for hours (because we love to chat)...But, we've never really done a "sleepover" type thing. Last night, was a first.. We still couldn't believe that we'd never done it. I mean, after about eight years...WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?! She's housesitting for her grandparents, so she asked me if I wanted to spend the night. I was so in.

She picked me up after she got off work, we stopped by Chipotle (since she hadn't eaten lunch), then off we went to her grandparents. We basically spent most of our late afternoon/early night eating dinner, watching the Iron Man movies in the background, and talking. What is SO nice is that we always seem to be able to do that without ever running out of things to say or with the whole "silence" thing being an issue. With us, it just isn't...Because usually one of us is saying or laughing at something.

We really just went for it all last night. We talked about our fears, our biggest insecurities, our past relationships and friendships, what we want out of those relationships, our families, everything that goes on in our day to day lives (even though we've already text each other the second it happens) - some things are still just better to share again in person, when our grandparents passed away, what we hope for in the future...we were getting DEEP. And it was amazing. I really just don't think there's anything better than pouring your heart, knowing that the other person isn't judging you, but is just there listening, offering words of encouragement and advice when you need it. And being able to do the same in return.

And then, I made her watch the pilot of Boy Meets World, because...DUH. It's pretty much my favorite show of all time, and she had never really gotten into it. We also watched a few other episodes after that. It was pretty great. We then reminisced over the fantastic 90s clothes they were always wearing. I finally got comfy, changing into my pjs and a sweatshirt, and took off my makeup. A little while later, Marissa started falling asleep, so we went to the room that we were staying in and ended up talking more about deep life things, and fell asleep close to 3 a.m. It was so nice not feeling completely paranoid about everything for once…At least in quite awhile.

This morning, I woke up earlier than I would have if I had been at home, and I didn't even feel tired. We took our time getting up, hung out in the living room -- More talking, and then Marissa made us breakfast. YUM! We had hash browns and breakfast burritos with eggs, cheese, bacon and garlic. They were very tasty. Soon after, we both got ready, and then I decided to bring my laptop in, so we could take dumb pictures, because that's just the kind of thing we like to do.

We hadn't really had any plans set for today, but our other friend, Laura asked if we wanted to go to the mall with her and another friend, Marie. I've been saying I need to get out more and hang out with friends, so that's exactly what I did. I'm not much for shopping anymore, but it's still WAY better than hanging out at home alone just watching repeat episodes of 90s TV shows or surfing the web, like I do basically every day. This was going to be an adventure and it certainly was. 

We went to Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, Forever 21, Claire's (where I got a Katy Perry headband that I'm super excited to wear), Icing and Target. We also stopped at Starbucks so I could have a little energy boost for the remainder of the shopping trip, because those girls know how to shop for hours and I like to go in and get what I need, then get out. 

I was helping them look for a wedding present, or really just tagging along and adding my own commentary here and there LOL. And we came to the conclusion that when we all get married, we're going to surprise each other with gifts, because the wedding registry thing can be extremely stressful. Though, it was fun to imagine what we would like or want, especially all of the cooking utensils, etc. I told Marissa I'm going to make her some amazing handmade gift, so I should start brainstorming now. I want it to be epic whatever and whenever I end up giving it to her. But, I think we still have a

little time for that.

When we finished at the mall, we went to Charming Charlie's so Marissa and Laura could pick out accessories for their wedding outfits. That is one store I don't mind just browsing in or spending a couple hours. It's like a giant closet, where everything is color coordinated and you can pick something out for any occasion, and it's usually my "go-to" place when I do need something. It's kind of a problem, but a very good problem to have. A lot more fun at least.

Marissa had invited me to go back to her grandparents' house to watch movies and hang with her and Laura, but I figured I should just go home. She dropped me off, but came in for a few minutes to see how I had rearranged my room and visit with my parents. I love that most of my friends have such a good relationship with my parents and want to come in to say hi. It makes my life a lot easier. I walked Marissa out to her car and we talked about hanging out again sometime this week and mentioned multiple times how I need to just be more spontaneous and get out of the house, whether I feel like it or not. I need someone to basically force me out of the house to do something with them! haha. 

I ate dinner, which is a special soup...Now that my mom and I are on a diet. I need to healthier! I just haven't been feeling all that great and want to do a sort of detox. I do that every once in awhile, and it's nice. Then, I decided to unwind on the couch, just posting pictures to Facebook, talking to my best friend, Laurie, and just enjoying the evening with my parents. I started watching The Proposal a little while later, and I forgot how much I love that movie. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are so fantastic together. I hope they make another movie together very soon. 

Now, I'm in bed...Debating on whether I should actually try to sleep, read, catch up on New Girl....Or write. There are a number of possibilities. Hmmm... Now to see if I can actually make a decision. 

On the plus side, I am going to lunch with one of my best friends, Laurie, and we're going to catch up and talk about life....And it's going to be grand. 

That's all for now,

Shelby :)

Independence Day

I remember when I was younger, every holiday was such a big deal, because it meant good food and the family would all be together. That was all that ever mattered to me. I loved having everyone near. But, as the story usually goes, everyone gets older and nothing ever stays the same, no matter how hard we try to hold onto it. They start getting married, start their own lives, move away. And, of course, the inevitable of the older ones passing away. All you have are the memories of childhood : teasing each other, being mad that the other one got something better than you did, your grandparents' stories about your parents growing up, playing with sparklers, opening presents, and basically just sitting with eyes full of wonder and amazement, whatever the occasion was. 

This Independence Day was a bit different than most, although we've had a nice mix over the years. We used to have the family over to our house every year to BBQ, hang out and shoot fireworks off at our house (usually the biggest bundle or the one next to it). One year, we went out to the local baseball game to watch fireworks. Another year, we spent the holiday with Carrie Underwood as she rocked the Stadium of Fire, complete with a fireworks show in Utah. The year before last, we went to a Dodger game, while Billy Ray Cyrus sang "The National Anthem," and there were fireworks at the end (and Charlie Sheen was there). Last year, one of our local colleges hosted a fireworks show, so we went out to eat with our family friends, and I called my best friend at the last minute to hang out with us. It was a blast.

This time around, it was just my parents and I, but still just as fun. 

I slept in until 9:30 or so, got ready, ate breakfast, then off we went. My mom wanted to stop at Stein Mart in Valencia, which was cool. We weren't there for very long, and I got a cool journal out of it. Where's bad?

We ended up just going to LA for the day, not really entirely sure of what the rest of the day would hold or what our plans were. It made it kind of fun, because as a planner, I like to have everything planned out (obviously). But, life isn't always that simple, or shouldn't be. Being spontaneous, and not really knowing where the day is going is kind of fun too. Especially when you don't really need to have everything figured out. So, we ended up going to a museum mom and I had tried to go to last time, but...Long story short, we didn't. It was the Annenberg Space for Photography, which had an incredible exhibit featuring country music. We parked and walked across to the museum, and tried to use the elevator and ended up taking a little detour to a random room that was all white and had a really long hallway. Eventually we ended up where we needed to go. WOO! 

The coolest part about the museum is that it was FREE! WHAT?? There was actually a lot more to see than I had originally thought. There were so many old photographs of the greats like, Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, and even our own local guy, Buck Owens. There were also more recent pictures of Kacey Musgraves, Keith Urban, Brad Paisley and a few others. There was even a 45 minute documentary about photography and getting that perfect shot. The journalist in me was fascinated by the storytelling aspect of it all. Photographers talked about their subjects ranging from Lyle Lovett to Taylor Swift, and described how they wanted the picture to perfectly capture the artist and their personality. I'd say they did a pretty fantastic job. It had me thinking about how I want to be able to tell a musician's story through my own words, but to make sure that it sounds like them and something that will share who they are with the world in the most accurate way I know how. Pictures are all about getting that perfect moment...And telling the story of how that happened. I walked out of there feeling incredibly inspired. 

When we finished at the museum, we were all starting to get hungry. We drove around awhile, trying to find a new place to try that we'd never been to. We ended up in Marina Del Ray for a bit, but didn't see much around to eat, so we kept going. I'm not even totally sure where we were exactly, but we saw a shopping center from the freeway that had a Tony Roma's, so we decided to go there. I had the shrimp scampi pasta, which was pretty tasty. I just haven't been eating that much, so it felt like it didn't go anywhere. Plus, there was bread and salad on top of that. While we waited, mom even started giving us the U.S citizen test...We were doing great...But, then we found out there were about 50 questions or so, and decided that we probably knew most of them anyway! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA. We were SO full after we left. 

When we finished eating, we headed into Long Beach, which is gorgeous by the way; drove by the Queen Mary and some of the cargo ships that were around, then tried to find a spot to watch the fireworks, because we were afraid it would start getting busier. We found a cheap parking lot not too far away from where we were going, then tried to figure out where we were going. LOL. We walked around for a bit, and I just love the area. There were people walking around, shops, restaurants, and the summer sun was shining. We found a restroom in the convention center/aquarium, then we were pretty much asked to leave by security, so that was exciting (JK).

We found a cute little park near the marina/docking area for the boats, and figured it would be close enough to see the fireworks from the Queen Mary. There were adorable little bridges that looked like something out of Enchanted by a lake that would be in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Needless to say, I was getting a lot of ideas and daydreams out of that. What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic, and to me, setting is everything. 

This is what I call "The Land of Wishful Thinking." It's in between reality and daydreams.

Also, the Taylor Swift "artsy shot"

"I can't decide if it's a choice/
Getting swept away/
I hear the sound of my own voice/
Asking you to stay/
And all we are is skin and bone/
Trained to get along/
Forever going with the flow/
But, you're friction." ~T.Swift

We found the perfect rock, which is much like I imagined Rory Gilmore's "study tree" to feel like. And we pretty much stayed there for three hours. It was very picturesque, so I was brainstorming ideas for a story I'm writing, and jotting down notes like the nerd that I am, and just chatting with my parents. There was also a couple not too far away from us that were very, uh, "entertained" with one another...We'll just put it that way. I took in the scenery, as well as way too many selfies...and snap chatting my best friend, because why not??

There were a lot of couples around us, and I just started thinking...Is Independence Day like the new Valentine's Day? It looked like there were a lot of people on dates, being all lovey dovey. Guess it's just that summer romance going on. Where's a Shane West or Ryan Gosling when you need him? ;) Haha totally kidding...Kind of. 

When the sun went down and the lights turned on, it was like something out of a movie. Spotlight on the water as children played and couples held each other close. And then there's me, just watching from afar, like the narrator. Because I'm in the time of transition - not a kid anymore, but not quite at that place where I want to settle down. It's kind of nice, actually. Last summer, I probably would have started feeling sorry for myself, that everybody had somebody but me (cue the Hunter Hayes song). This time, I'm actually kind of glad for it. I'm loving the single life. It's way less stress from the sounds of it. 

At nine o'clock, the fireworks finally started. They were a bit lower than we were anticipating, and through the trees, it was a little harder to see, but it was still a lot of fun..Even if they didn't last very long. I loved watching all of the kids running around and playing with their families; it reminded me of youth and innocence. It was also something different, and we don't go to Long Beach very often, so it was a nice change in scenery. 

As soon as the fireworks ended, we made a beeline for the parking lot, because we thought we might hit more traffic. And we did hit a little, but it wasn't too bad. The drive home was amazing, because we could see fireworks from every direction and was perfect as we listened to some of the catchiest summer country tunes. 

Yesterday was just really good for me. I needed to get away. After being so paranoid and losing some sleep the last few days, it was good to get away from it all for a bit. I felt a little more at peace when I came home. And even though I still didn't get to sleep until close to 3, I felt much better about everything. 

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

I'll make it like your birthday every day.

Birthdays are kind of a magical thing. There are presents, usually something sparkly in the room, cards are involved, and it usually gives you a reason to have a party. It’s also the time that you find out who really cares about you. I mean, it’s one day…You probably don’t ask for much the rest of the year, and it’s one time that you just kind of want a little bit of that attention. 

Yesterday was my mom's 50th birthday, and she had her first big party. In all the years that I've been around, we've never done a party for her. Usually we go out of town, go to a concert or it's just a small get together at our house or out to dinner. This time, our family friends wanted to throw a party for her, since she had never done one. I love the process of planning a party. As a daydream, sometimes I think it would be fun to be a party planner or event coordinator of sorts (at least it seems to be in all of those Lifetime or Hallmark movies). I like the little details of putting all of your favorite things together; the flowers, the food, the centerpieces. It's all just really exciting. I had a lot of fun really getting in touch with my artsy side. Over the past couple of months, we've been tossing around ideas, looking on Pinterest for inspiration, going to Hobby Lobby to pick up a few things, and finding some stuff from my mom's childhood in our garage. 

My mom went for the "vintage" feel. So, we had some old pieces that belonged to my grandmas, some new stuff that we bought, and other odds and ends that our family friends loaned to us. 

Waiting to get the day started :)

Friday, we finally started pulling everything together. We picked up the tables, chairs and tablecloths, the flowers, and gathered all of our things to bring to our family friends' house. We didn't realize we had SO much stuff, until we started piling it into our small truck with a giant box full of plates, napkins, my mom's old toys, mason jars, etc. We set up the tables, draped the tablecloths over them and worked on the centerpieces. We set up the candy table and filled the jars with m&m's, Good and Plenty, and several other kinds of my mom's favorites. That was my favorite part. It just looked so pretty! The flowers took the longest to put together, since there's a system to arranging them in the vases, and we aren't exactly florists. Mandy and I ran to the store to get a couple more bunches of baby's breath, since we thought it might break up some of the color, which gave us a chance to talk, too. My mom worked on them the most and I think they came out beautiful in the end. Very summery, bright and cheerful. They also looked amazing in the mason jars...Very southern, if you ask me. We ended up not having enough flowers for the head table, so we all ran to Vons to pick more up, but once we got there, we didn't see anything that was going to work like we hoped it would, but they had an arrangement of Hydrangea's that worked perfectly and was in a turquoise basket, so we got those instead. The florist at the counter was extremely helpful, telling us about some of the flowers and how long she had worked there. I've become very fascinated with all of the flowers and the process of arranging. Like anything else, it's like a puzzle and figuring out what the best combinations are. It's a lot like love, and now I see why so many people get flowers when they're in a relationship. The party setting came together so nicely; charming and pretty. After we were finished getting everything together, we met my dad at Chili's for dinner. Great conversation and good food = perfect Friday night. I also don't get out much, so it was nice to actually have something to do. It was so fun hanging out with Paul, Tammy and Mandy all night too; felt like old times of hanging out with their family. 

Saturday, I was able to sleep in until 11. I couldn't believe I slept that late, but it was SO nice. I've been so paranoid at night, so I'll stay up way later, until I just lose to my eyelids getting heavier. I took my time getting ready and watched The Notebook, since it was on TV and looked on Tumblr, because that's just how exciting I am. Then, we got ready and my mom and I picked up sandwiches for lunch, then brought it home. We ate with my dad, then my dad and I had to run a few errands, and came home so my mom could open her present from me. As soon as that was done, we hurried to get ready - I slipped into a dress, touched up my makeup and hair, then we were good to go. We still had a few errands to run; picked up the cakes, along with the tea from Chic-Fil-A, then off to our friends' house we went. 

Party outfit. 

We finished setting a few things up, but luckily there wasn't much to do. The guys went to pick up the food (and apparently they didn't have our order, but everything worked out in the end), and pretty soon everyone started arriving. It was SO fun to have most of our family and so many good friends there. We laughed, talked, ate dinner, played Bingo (I was the first winner--WOO!), I showed a video I had made for my mom and we ate cake. My mom also opened her presents. I was glad I was able to talk to a couple of our other good friends (and pastor's wife), Lydia, and Lori, about some of the struggles I've been dealing with at school. It's just so tough to work through the different world views and how to approach it. It's good to know that I wasn't alone in that feeling either. We also talked about country music, and how a lot of it is crap these days. I LOVE these big get togethers; having great discussions and just being able to catch up on life. Makes it feel like a real Full House moment, you know?

Around 10 or so, we started packing up the car and tearing down the tables and chairs and saying goodbye to everyone. Our car was PACKED. I had to carry the cake on my lap, while holding the balloon, that was in my face, back. It was such a wonderful evening with our loved ones, and it's good to know that even after all of these years, no matter what life has brought us or how often we're actually able to hang out, that it hasn't changed our relationships with them. It's also great to know, even when you find out that you aren't invited to other get togethers...Though, I should be used to that by now. Oh, well...

So glad that my mom had a wonderful birthday and was celebrated the way she deserves to be every day. 

That's all for now,
Shelby 

Ed Sheeran and Overthinking

It’s a summer evening, and I should be out on the town, I guess, because the night is young. I mean, I’m 22 and that’s the “year of fun,” so I hear. But, I’m not. I’m just chilling on my bed, listening to Ed Sheeran, reading old Taylor Swift blogs and doing a lot of thinking about life, as I so often do during the summer. I’m thinking that a lot of the dreams I have feel so far away, but oh, so close at the same time. That’s a very sweet thing to feel that they are finally within reach. But, how to go about it is another question entirely. There have been a million things in my life that I’ve never dreamed of happening, but they’ve happened. And there have been some things that I’ve strategized, planned and prayed for, and they’ve come at the right moment when God knew I needed it or they just haven’t happened at all. And it would hurt so bad at the time, and I’d wonder why. Why in the world do all of these other people get it, but I don’t? How come they get a boyfriend and I don’t? Why do they get to move to Nashville and I don’t? But, then I’d understand years later why it didn’t happen the way I SO hoped that it would. Now, I trust His timing completely, even though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get impatient or question my life from time to time. On a lot of these summer evenings, I dream about Nashville. I don’t think “if” is even a question anymore, it’s “when” I’m going to move there. But, now I have so many other concerns that I didn’t have before. I want to work in the industry back there…But, how? I haven’t made any official connections back there, and I didn’t go to school there. How do you work your way in when you’re an outsider? Not everyone has that opportunity. Does that just mean that it won’t happen? Or maybe an unexpected door will open, and I have no reason to stress. But, it’s hard not to. 

I just keep thinking about how excited I am to be graduating VERY soon. But, then I keep hearing about all of my friends’ real life concerns now, and that doesn’t sound so fun. They tell me to live at home and save money for as long as I can and to take advantage of it, because once you’re out, there’s no turning back. I’ve finally accepted that I’m okay with where everything is at, but the thought of going to school again for another year just makes me want to cry. I’m not ready for that again. It’s also hard to enjoy the last moments (or year) of school, when you’re trying to plan for the future as well. It’s like you have to think about school, as you’re still registering for classes and all that other nonsense, but then you also need to start preparing for life outside of it with jobs and networking. Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be an adult. BLAH.

And then I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot more. But, this time about how grateful I am that I’m not IN one and that I don’t want one anytime soon. I’m not saying that I don’t want one someday, because I absolutely do. It’s just that I keep seeing so many people get engaged or married, and I just don’t know if they’re ready. It’s not my place to judge, and I think some people DO know that they’re ready and that they can handle it, but a majority of them just give “young love” a bad name. Most of the time, they just don’t work out and it breaks my heart that they didn't fight for it, or they just weren't a good fit from the beginning and forced it, because they felt desperate. You barely know who you are in your early 20’s. But, I digress. The thing is, I don’t like feeling like I have to answer to people. I don’t like having to make sure that I’ve replied back to someone’s message in a timely manner before they start getting all insecure and questioning whether I still like them or not. I don’t really even like making plans when I don’t have to…Sometimes I really have to psych myself up to go out with friends. And then there’s the whole “people talk” thing. They speculate about your relationship, they suddenly want to ask a million questions and tell you how you should be doing things. And I just wonder, after all of that, is it really worth it? Sometimes I also wonder if it’s that I just get too close to people too fast and I have to get away before anything happens, before I start to NEED them. Because I know too well what it feels like to be rejected and to be the one who was left out. I’d rather be the runaway who doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. Leaves town and doesn’t look back. 

In other news, I was listening to Ed Sheeran’s album, and because I was like, “okay, how good is it really and why does everyone keep talking about it?” And then I listened to it, and it actually lives up to the hype. He’s so original and different, and has this brilliant way of arranging lyrics and music in general. So many great love songs, which I’m a sucker for and make me stop to think about that “future someone.” It just makes me picture being in a coffeehouse and just having a meet cute with someone new, which blossoms into something very special and wonderful. I’m ALWAYS curious and trying to figure out how I’m going to meet my future love. Apparently, that isn’t something that everyone thinks about. Hmm…I think it’s obvious that I have too much time on my hands. 

Right now, I’m curled up on my bed, with only dim light on, with a blanket over my legs, because it’s chilly. Smokey is chilling next to me; making herself very cozy. And I’m trying to figure out what I should do next? It feels like a music listening kind of night (although, when is it not one of those nights?) Daydreams are still swirling in my mind and I’m just really excited about life right now. It’s a good place to be and it’s a good day to be me. 

That’s all,

xoxo

S

It's crying time again...

It's crying time again... by shelbyn92 featuring a cotton cardigan

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Shirts top
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Distressed jean shorts
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Wet Seal fold over combat boots
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Deena Ozzy brown shoulder bag
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