Ed Sheeran and Overthinking

It’s a summer evening, and I should be out on the town, I guess, because the night is young. I mean, I’m 22 and that’s the “year of fun,” so I hear. But, I’m not. I’m just chilling on my bed, listening to Ed Sheeran, reading old Taylor Swift blogs and doing a lot of thinking about life, as I so often do during the summer. I’m thinking that a lot of the dreams I have feel so far away, but oh, so close at the same time. That’s a very sweet thing to feel that they are finally within reach. But, how to go about it is another question entirely. There have been a million things in my life that I’ve never dreamed of happening, but they’ve happened. And there have been some things that I’ve strategized, planned and prayed for, and they’ve come at the right moment when God knew I needed it or they just haven’t happened at all. And it would hurt so bad at the time, and I’d wonder why. Why in the world do all of these other people get it, but I don’t? How come they get a boyfriend and I don’t? Why do they get to move to Nashville and I don’t? But, then I’d understand years later why it didn’t happen the way I SO hoped that it would. Now, I trust His timing completely, even though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get impatient or question my life from time to time. On a lot of these summer evenings, I dream about Nashville. I don’t think “if” is even a question anymore, it’s “when” I’m going to move there. But, now I have so many other concerns that I didn’t have before. I want to work in the industry back there…But, how? I haven’t made any official connections back there, and I didn’t go to school there. How do you work your way in when you’re an outsider? Not everyone has that opportunity. Does that just mean that it won’t happen? Or maybe an unexpected door will open, and I have no reason to stress. But, it’s hard not to. 

I just keep thinking about how excited I am to be graduating VERY soon. But, then I keep hearing about all of my friends’ real life concerns now, and that doesn’t sound so fun. They tell me to live at home and save money for as long as I can and to take advantage of it, because once you’re out, there’s no turning back. I’ve finally accepted that I’m okay with where everything is at, but the thought of going to school again for another year just makes me want to cry. I’m not ready for that again. It’s also hard to enjoy the last moments (or year) of school, when you’re trying to plan for the future as well. It’s like you have to think about school, as you’re still registering for classes and all that other nonsense, but then you also need to start preparing for life outside of it with jobs and networking. Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be an adult. BLAH.

And then I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot more. But, this time about how grateful I am that I’m not IN one and that I don’t want one anytime soon. I’m not saying that I don’t want one someday, because I absolutely do. It’s just that I keep seeing so many people get engaged or married, and I just don’t know if they’re ready. It’s not my place to judge, and I think some people DO know that they’re ready and that they can handle it, but a majority of them just give “young love” a bad name. Most of the time, they just don’t work out and it breaks my heart that they didn't fight for it, or they just weren't a good fit from the beginning and forced it, because they felt desperate. You barely know who you are in your early 20’s. But, I digress. The thing is, I don’t like feeling like I have to answer to people. I don’t like having to make sure that I’ve replied back to someone’s message in a timely manner before they start getting all insecure and questioning whether I still like them or not. I don’t really even like making plans when I don’t have to…Sometimes I really have to psych myself up to go out with friends. And then there’s the whole “people talk” thing. They speculate about your relationship, they suddenly want to ask a million questions and tell you how you should be doing things. And I just wonder, after all of that, is it really worth it? Sometimes I also wonder if it’s that I just get too close to people too fast and I have to get away before anything happens, before I start to NEED them. Because I know too well what it feels like to be rejected and to be the one who was left out. I’d rather be the runaway who doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. Leaves town and doesn’t look back. 

In other news, I was listening to Ed Sheeran’s album, and because I was like, “okay, how good is it really and why does everyone keep talking about it?” And then I listened to it, and it actually lives up to the hype. He’s so original and different, and has this brilliant way of arranging lyrics and music in general. So many great love songs, which I’m a sucker for and make me stop to think about that “future someone.” It just makes me picture being in a coffeehouse and just having a meet cute with someone new, which blossoms into something very special and wonderful. I’m ALWAYS curious and trying to figure out how I’m going to meet my future love. Apparently, that isn’t something that everyone thinks about. Hmm…I think it’s obvious that I have too much time on my hands. 

Right now, I’m curled up on my bed, with only dim light on, with a blanket over my legs, because it’s chilly. Smokey is chilling next to me; making herself very cozy. And I’m trying to figure out what I should do next? It feels like a music listening kind of night (although, when is it not one of those nights?) Daydreams are still swirling in my mind and I’m just really excited about life right now. It’s a good place to be and it’s a good day to be me. 

That’s all,

xoxo

S

It's crying time again...

It's crying time again... by shelbyn92 featuring a cotton cardigan

Cotton cardigan
vestiairecollective.com

Shirts top
etsy.com

Distressed jean shorts
etsy.com

Wet Seal fold over combat boots
wetseal.com

Deena Ozzy brown shoulder bag
urbanoutfitters.com

ASOS crown hat
asos.com

What time is it? Summertime!

I have officially been on "summer vacation" for the past two weeks, and I have to say it's kind of glorious. I mean, I might not be jetting off to a remote location or sailing the Caribbean seas, but I also don't have any deadlines and I have no one to answer to about anything, other than fun plans. And that's all I could really ask for at this point.

I've been enjoying the break so much, though there have been a few moments when I've been bored out of my mind. However, I've enjoyed sleeping in, hanging out with friends, cleaning my room and watching movies I've never seen before, and getting my own life back on track. During the quarter, I tend to neglect the things that are important to me, and it will be nice to be able to do some of those things again.

There isn't much to report on, but here are a few pictures of my summer so far.

And, of course, I love the idea that summer has been known to throw a few surprises at me sometimes. Even though I like to plan and have all of my ducks in a row, the best things in life tend to come when you weren't expecting them at all. So, you should always be ready.

That's all for now,
Shelby :)

Life in the fast lane

Just throwing it out there, but life has been exhausting lately. The first couple weeks and last couple weeks are a bit lighter and laid back. But, there are a few weeks in between that are just killer and you have to keep working through it.

But, there have still been fun moments : seeing "Blended", starting a few new books, church, group chats on Facebook, listening to music, procrastinating on homework to enjoy myself a little more, etc.

Saturday

Sunday 

Monday=gotta go for comfort. 

I've been writing papers, contacting sources, trying to book interviews for the summer/fall and trying to finish out the last newspaper with a bang, you know? This past week were the last official days of classes, and we did it right. Monday night we had our usual production at the paper, and it was possibly the funnest time we've ever had. Maybe it's because we knew it was our last one, so we were just living it up. But we were laughing, looking at old newspapers from the 90s (so entertaining, let me tell you - Especially the "Friends" recaps or review of "I Know What You Did Last Summer"), chatting about the quarter and taking a moment to look at all we've accomplished over the past 10 weeks. I survived my first quarter as Features Editor! What a ride, let me tell ya…But, I couldn't be happier that I've done it, and for all of the help along the way.

Next quarter, positions are switching around. So, these were the last few moments that we were going to be this particular team. It's weird, but it's exciting. We've all grown so much stronger as individuals, as well as a team and as friends. We continue to get better as a paper, as journalists, and as people in general. I know I've grown into my leadership role much quicker than I ever thought I could, and I thank God for the courage He has given me.

My team.  I heart them. 

I've also been reminiscing on my trips to Nashville and missing it something else, as it was CMA Fest week.  And I'm not there, for the first time in seven years. It's the weirdest thing in the world watching everyone talk about Carrie Underwood's fan club party, the opry, the softball game and other random events that kept taking place. WAHHHH! It was much harder than I thought it would be, but I'm praying that one of these days (very soon) I will be living back there and living the dream. Until then, I get to cherish the moments of the people and experiences that will get me there.

My first trip to the Grand Ole Opry :) This makes my heart so happy.

Wednesday, our last issue of the paper came out, and we had a party in class to celebrate everyone! We all brought a TON of food and hung out. VERY different from a normal class period, where all of us are usually running around like chickens with our heads cut off. It also gave me a chance to talk to some staff writers that I don't always get to. 

Thursday night, we celebrated at the Firehouse sports bar, for our awards banquet. It was fun getting dressed up and actually having somewhere to go. I even tried to play pool, which was THE biggest joke ever. I couldn't even hit the ball. Talk about pathetic, but at least I tried. It was fun to actually bond with the other staff writers and photographers, because we've never had an event like this. It's certainly something we hope to keep going for the future. I also got the "Almost Famous Award" for exemplary work as an entertainment insider. I felt pretty honored…Wonder if I can use this for my resume? lol.

I just have a few more days of school, which is wonderful, but at the same time I feel like I'm already on vacation mode. UGH! It's going to be tough, but I can do. What other option do I have??

This weekend was pretty great, as well. Saturday was pretty laid back. Had lunch with my parents, came home for awhile, then went to the newspaper office to hang out with a couple friends to work on projects that are due this week. I came home, then went out to run errands, had dinner with my parents and drove around town. It's kind of our family's thing to drive around and just listen to music. It might not sound that exciting to others, but I absolutely love it. It gives me a chance to get out and see a little more than just my corner of the world. It makes me appreciate this town so much more, to see the hard work that has gone into it. 

Jake's Taco Salad

Perfect time to watch the sun set!

As for today (Sunday),  I went to church and had brunch with family at Buck Owen's Crystal Palace. It feels like the closest thing to Nashville right now, and I will take it. The food is incredible, and their brunch is one of the best. People from all over the world to visit the famous restaurant, as well as to see the Buckaroos play live on a Saturday night. 

I enjoyed getting to spend time with good friends over breakfast/lunch, as well as enjoying the country atmosphere the Palace provides. 

My food…SO FULL!

Oh, hey, we saw Garth Brooks! 

King George!

"Buck 'Em"..Say what?! LOL.

Buck! :)

The rest of my afternoon will now be spent finishing homework and preparing for the last week of school! WHOA! :D

That's all for now,

Shelby 

Taking Back Sunday

Sunday morning, I woke up and got ready for church, per usual. I was so glad that Pastor Wendy spoke. Whenever she delivers the message, I always find myself relating so much and realizing I am not the only one who has ever gone through a certain season or wondered what I have. It was about getting your spiritual edge back: ridiculous recovery.

• 2 Kings 1:1-6
• God knows how to help you find what you didn't mean to lose

How do you get your edge back?

• Be honest about where you lost it
• 2 Kings 6:6
• With God's help, take back what you lost
• 2 Kings 6:6-7
• Revelation 2:4-5
• Deauteronomy 2:4-5

I've let so many things go lately, as school has been the only thing my life revolves around. It's like if I stop focusing on school for a bit, I feel like everything else will fall apart and really, it's just the opposite. I need to take care of myself again- bike rides, eating healthy, spending time with friends and having quality conversations, and of course, spending time with God. 

My outfit for the day! 

After the service was over, we had lunch at California Pizza Kitchen. My mom and I tried a different pizza with artichoke and spinach, but I don't think I would get it again. Just not my thing! I thought I had to go in for editing, so I tried to hurry home, change and get ready to go...But, we ended up just deciding to do it the next day in class.

Pizza!

I spent the afternoon hanging out, working on homework and writing. That night, I went to a Condor's game with the other editor's from the newspaper. We've been talking about it for the past couple quarters and we FINALLY made it during playoffs, which is an exciting time for them and our town. Athena picked me up and we headed downtown, as she filled me in on her life, then we met up with the others. We claimed our free hats and noise sticks, then found our seats. We were SO close to the ice, which was a lot more terrifying than I realized it would be. 

We were about three rows up from the ice, right behind the glass, with the safety net ending right in front of me. We laughed so much, poked each other with our noise sticks, took gangsta pictures with our hats, cheered on the team, Athena and I shared the most delicious Carne Asada nachos, danced and sang along to the music, cheered when we saw ourselves on the jumbo screen, and freaked out when a puck almost flew at us (which got stuck in the net, dangling at the very edge) or when hockey players would push each other up against the glass. I don't know how Carrie Underwood deals with having a hockey player husband. Going to the games, not knowing if your husband is going to make it out okay has to be terrifying...Which gave me an idea for a story. It was a wonderful time.

Our group left a few minutes earlier, then went to BJ's for dinner. We have some crazy conversations and we were laughing so much, and I was having a blast. Like I said, I don't get out too much, so being out and doing "20-something" things was just what I needed. When we finished eating, mingling and brainstorming ideas for the newspaper, we headed out. Robin, our editor-in-chief, gave me a ride home. We ended up staying in her car, talking in front of my house for about an hour about a variety of topics from life, emotions, the paper, etc. It was good!

It was midnight or so when I came in, then spent the next couple hours working on an article for the paper, before my eyelids were so heavy I could barely stand it. Then, I heard a loud noise and was incredibly paranoid (but apparently it was just the air condition vent). It was around 3 a.m. when I finally got to sleep. But, I got to thinking, 'If only ever Sunday was like this,' things might be a lot more peaceful. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I had to wake up earlier and go to the newspaper, even though it was Memorial Day. The news doesn't stop for a holiday. As I drove to my school, I heard Toby Keith's "American Soldier." There's a line that says, "I can't call in sick on Mondays when the weekends been to rough," and it opened my eyes to the fact that I shouldn't be complaining that I have to go to school for a few more hours than I would've liked, because our servicemen and women have to give up SO much. They go months at a time, sometimes a year or so without seeing their families. At least I get to see mine at the end of the day. That song put it all in perspective for me.

We had a potluck for breakfast; all of us brought in goodies, like a breakfast casserole, donuts, orange juice, Debbie Cakes, homemade cheese chips and more. It was a fun time to socialize, edit our stories and do things at a much more relaxed pacing than usual. Everyone got in and got out fairly quickly when it came to the edits, and all we had left to do was do the page layout, which is extremely time consuming. It's always fun hanging out with everyone, though, and I feel like week after week, I learn so much about the process of designing a page and what it takes to make a paper great.

I finally finished around seven, then headed home. It was pretty exciting that I also got to drive, too, because I don't usually get to during the week. It was nice having the freedom and not having to rely on someone else to get home. Once I got home, my parents and I went out for dinner at Chuy's, and the weather was gorgeous. Normally, I would've still been working at the newspaper, so it was nice to watch the sunset with the warm air against my skin. Summer is coming. After dinner, we went to Best Buy to look for a bit, then came home.

I took the rest of the evening off and just enjoyed it. 

It was a great weekend. And the week is going alright. I'm just so ready to be out of school. My energy is starting to wear off. *Sigh* But, it's all good. I'm getting 'er done. Only a few more assignments and then I will be free! WOO!

That's all for now,

Shelby

Baby, let's just get out of this town

Yesterday, my parents and I, along with my uncle, went to Oceanside for the day. I woke up around 8:45 or 9 a.m., put my makeup on, got dressed and I was ready to go.

My uncle came to our house around 10 and we were off. We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box for breakfast, then got on the freeway, heading to the LA area. We should have known from the way the day started out that it was going to be a strange one. We started out with traffic right off, and we NEVER run into any there. It broke up and we made it past LA and Anaheim, and came to a stop again…. Plus, since we had forgotten the fruit dip we were going to bring, we had to stop at Walmart to get something else. My mom had also spilled on her shirt, so she had to find another one.

After we took care of that, we got back on the road…And then ran into more traffic. I was getting so antsy and annoyed, and usually I LOVE road trips like this. But, I also like being in control of the radio and unfortunately, the app I was using kept cutting out, so we just had to leave the radio on one station That means if a sucky song comes on, then you still have to leave it there. Meh. It's the music that defines a road trip for me, so if that isn't working…You've got problems.

Eventually we made it to the beach. Some family friends that my dad and uncle grew up with were renting a beach house, and they wanted to have a little reunion. The sky was overcast and gray, but the ocean was still sparkling as the waves crashed against the rocks. We were all just happy to be out of the car, and that salty sea air made my heart race a little faster. The air was incredibly cool, but considering it was 90 degrees or so at home, we weren't complaining.

I was SO happy to be out of town :)

We made our way into the house, which was incredible by the way, and mingled with everyone. I knew most of the couples who were there, but we introduced ourselves to those we didn't know as well.

We had lunch, a sandwich bar with all different meats and cheeses to choose from, along with chips and a couple different salads. It was all so good and we were stuffed. Then, we talked with everyone ; catching up, taking pictures…You know, the usual things when you get together with those you haven't seen in awhile. Then, we also spent some time on the deck, looking out at the ocean and taking advantage of the fact that the beach was RIGHTTHERE.

My new goal in life is to have a window like this at my house that overlooks the ocean. 

The spacious living quarters. 

After lunch and visiting, we went downstairs to look at old pictures of everyone from back in the day. It was fun watching everyone relive past memories when certain members were still alive or just happier times of being young in general. When we finished looking at old pictures, we all visited more with people we hadn't necessarily had a chance to talk with earlier, which was fun. There were so many stories to be shared, whether it was about the war, relationships, Disneyland (because our friend works there and always had a lot to tell us) or life in general. I was fascinated by everyone in the room and their wisdom.

I was glad we were able to get one last look at the beach before the night grew dark as well.

Finally, around 8:30 or so, we decided to head home. None of us wanted to, but with a 3 hour drive, we'd be looking at midnight with getting home. It didn't take us long to get to Anaheim, especially without the traffic involved like earlier. We even happened to make it near Disneyland, so we could see the fireworks, one of the very best parts about the amusement park. It's all so magical. I was snap chatting my best friend almost the entire time, telling her it's time for us to go back again. As soon as they were over, we went to the gas station, then continued our trek home. That little bit near Disney did me some good.

(I was trying to make these blurred on purpose…For some reason, I think it looks cooler. I could be wrong, though).

The ride home was very entertaining - We played 20 questions, listened to music and stopped at Krispy Kreme, of course. And then we stopped at Jack in the Box. Yes, we do eat extremely healthy. Not. Definitely something I need to work on this summer. It's just so hard sometimes.

We made it home close to 12:30, and I had been asleep, so I was in a very groggy mood. I took a shower, curled up in bed, read a chapter of Lea Michele's book and went to sleep.

It was a wonderful day! I'm so glad we were able to go.

That's all for now,
Shelby :)