May 3, 2014
April 24, 2014
My Life as of Lately
A lot has been happening since I last checked in. The quarter is really starting to take off, and I'm actually not wishing that it would slow down, for once. The last couple weeks have been C R A Z Y, and I'm loving it.
Let's just say, I had no idea all of the time that is spent trying to make a college paper. We were there until close to 10:30, working on the page layout, making sure everything was in great shape to run. We had some good laughs in between, though. And I was SO excited about my Q and A with Gavin DeGraw going in the paper. It felt like it was the BIG moment I've been waiting for. You know, where everything is starting to fall into place and it all feels worth it? Yeah, that's how I felt. This is just the beginning, and I see that now. Patience and timing are both key factors. I've also had a lot of good feedback about the article, especially from my One Tree Hill friends...WOOO! :D
Then, there was Easter. I was part of the choir at church, and it was a blast! God really showed up. Not just in the services or our church as a whole, but in speaking to my life as well. I started seeing that I need to cut myself some slack. I've been trying too hard to be perfect, I think, and that has been causing some problems. God's love and my performance are two very different things. He loves me regardless of the grades I get, the mistakes I make, the times I'm too quiet, and the list goes on and on. He loves me. Period. We worshiped, I was able to hang out with Viviyan more during practices and services, and see all of my other friends that I don't get to see on a normal basis. We had 5 services, and everything went really well. We worked together as a team and were very aware of the fact that we were part of something much larger than ourselves.
Easter Sunday was also wonderful for spending time with my family. They all came over to our house; we ate, we visited, and celebrated the resurrection of Christ, of course. Easter gives me hope. Hope that Christ always comes through with His promises and just how blessed I am with the people in my life. It was the first time in awhile that I've felt content with my life. I'm not trying to rush ahead to get here or there, I'm not wondering what it would be like if certain friends were still in my life…I'm perfectly happy with where I am right now and the new people who have entered my life, and I didn't realize I wanted or needed until now.
This week has been extremely crazy with setting up a lot of interviews and meeting up with people to talk story ideas for the paper. I'm starting to think I need an assistant. HA! The paper is speeding up, and with that, comes great responsibility. If anything, it is teaching me to be more flexible-to be ready to call or meet someone when the story calls for it. You just never know what you're getting yourself into, but it has helped me to lighten up tremendously. I see how, now more than ever, I sweat the smallest details. I will cause myself so much stress that was never even there in the first place, and nothing comes of it either. I need to just let it go and see what happens. Not because I don't care, but I need my sanity. But, I'm getting better about it. If I'd had to do a lot of the things that I'm doing now back in the fall, I would have freaked myself out and probably just shut down. I also found out that I got two tickets to cover the Gavin DeGraw concert for the paper. AHHH! Now, I see why things happen the way they do and why there's a certain timing and reason for everything. God has a plan and that's what I have to trust right now.
Here's what my week looks like as of now:
Thursday: Working on a story about a guy who has done colorguard for awhile/met with him, also met with the spirit coordinator on campus to talk story ideas.
Friday: 2 classes/meeting with the journalism club to pick out things for our booth at Celebrate CSUB on Saturday
Saturday: Celebrate CSUB/possibly working on a short story about Bakersfield's Got Talent/possibly making posters for Gavin DeGraw's concert on Sunday with Athena
Sunday: Church/editing stories at the paper/ GAVIN DEGRAW CONCERT WITH ATHENA!
Let's just say…"It's a helluva life" right now :)
That's all for now,
Shelby!!
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| Last week was our first official week of the paper, meaning we were actually assigning stories and the paper came out that Wednesday, though it was editor-heavy content. Sunday night I was really sick all of a sudden; threw up, and didn't get to sleep until really late. Skipped my first class Monday morning, was starting to freak out about whether the story I had planned on doing was going to go through, and then like a snap of the finger, things just changed. I was also able to have lunch with my good friend, Sarah. The newspaper also went really well. I gave everyone their stories, and then it was time for production...Well, not quite. A lot of the editors have class at right after the newspaper, and our adviser has another class to teach. Since it was my first week of really sitting down to learn the page layout system, I had a lot of questions, but no one was around to ask. So, after awhile of freaking myself out about what to do for my page, the photography editor and I went out to grab some food and came back later when everything was hustling and bustling, because I hadn't eaten since earlier in the morning. |
Let's just say, I had no idea all of the time that is spent trying to make a college paper. We were there until close to 10:30, working on the page layout, making sure everything was in great shape to run. We had some good laughs in between, though. And I was SO excited about my Q and A with Gavin DeGraw going in the paper. It felt like it was the BIG moment I've been waiting for. You know, where everything is starting to fall into place and it all feels worth it? Yeah, that's how I felt. This is just the beginning, and I see that now. Patience and timing are both key factors. I've also had a lot of good feedback about the article, especially from my One Tree Hill friends...WOOO! :D
Then, there was Easter. I was part of the choir at church, and it was a blast! God really showed up. Not just in the services or our church as a whole, but in speaking to my life as well. I started seeing that I need to cut myself some slack. I've been trying too hard to be perfect, I think, and that has been causing some problems. God's love and my performance are two very different things. He loves me regardless of the grades I get, the mistakes I make, the times I'm too quiet, and the list goes on and on. He loves me. Period. We worshiped, I was able to hang out with Viviyan more during practices and services, and see all of my other friends that I don't get to see on a normal basis. We had 5 services, and everything went really well. We worked together as a team and were very aware of the fact that we were part of something much larger than ourselves.
Easter Sunday was also wonderful for spending time with my family. They all came over to our house; we ate, we visited, and celebrated the resurrection of Christ, of course. Easter gives me hope. Hope that Christ always comes through with His promises and just how blessed I am with the people in my life. It was the first time in awhile that I've felt content with my life. I'm not trying to rush ahead to get here or there, I'm not wondering what it would be like if certain friends were still in my life…I'm perfectly happy with where I am right now and the new people who have entered my life, and I didn't realize I wanted or needed until now.
Here's what my week looks like as of now:
Thursday: Working on a story about a guy who has done colorguard for awhile/met with him, also met with the spirit coordinator on campus to talk story ideas.
Friday: 2 classes/meeting with the journalism club to pick out things for our booth at Celebrate CSUB on Saturday
Saturday: Celebrate CSUB/possibly working on a short story about Bakersfield's Got Talent/possibly making posters for Gavin DeGraw's concert on Sunday with Athena
Sunday: Church/editing stories at the paper/ GAVIN DEGRAW CONCERT WITH ATHENA!
Let's just say…"It's a helluva life" right now :)
That's all for now,
Shelby!!
April 10, 2014
My dream isn't mine
over the past couple years, it has been no secret that i've struggled with dreaming and making it a reality. i've questioned myself and whether i was on the right path, or whether there was something else out there. maybe this whole struggle was to lead me to something else, and maybe it is, but maybe it's just about putting God first and sticking it out to see it through to the end. i feel like i'm starting to make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel, but i still have a long road to go.
my mom posted this on facebook earlier and tagged me in it. it immediately changed my perspective about the purpose of a dream. God gave me the dream in my heart of writing and telling stories to help others, to bring them closer to Him and to use my life as a witness. it's not about me at all. and the problem has been that i've been trying to work it out myself, forgetting why I'm even here in the first place.
i'm looking forward to taking a step back and letting God work through me.
That's all for now,
Shelby :)
{It's Wednesday}
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| Lovely.... |
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| My poor notebook... |
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| We even took a selfie- I wanted to document the moment! HA! |
I was supposed to have lunch with my friend today, but it didn't work out, so we rescheduled for Monday. It was hot outside, so I decided to go to the newspaper to eat lunch, along with several other editors, which was nice, so I wasn't lonely! LOL. Class went by really fast today because we had a lot to cover. We all took pictures for our press passes, gave the story pitch ideas for our first issue, and I talked with my staff writers about their stories (AH! That's pretty cool to be able to say). I know all of this confidence is coming from my faith in Christ, because I've been trying to do this on my own, and I've been stressing myself out. I'm making a lot of changes this quarter, and I can already tell what a difference it's making. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and doubting myself, I've been excited about the challenge. The challenge of proving to myself that I'm capable of the dreams I've always had. I'm capable of helping others. I'm capable of being different than everyone else, and that's okay. In fact, for what God has planned for me, that's probably for the best. I'm starting to just do my own thing, and whatever comes after that is all a blessing.
After starting the book, I Am That Girl, I started realizing many things. I need to take more time for myself and to not burn out and finding out the reasons behind my procrastination. Now that I've put names to those things, I can beat them, and it has helped tremendously. I still have a lot to work through, but I think confidence is the key, and I'm finding it in pretty unexpected places. I guess when opportunity comes, you just have to rise to the occasion and get through it.I was supposed to have an editor's meeting and another one for the journalism club, but no one really showed up, so we decided to call it a day. I hung around for a few minutes on campus in one of my favorite spots. I grabbed a seat on the bench under a shady tree in front of the school. I caught up on some snapchats and tweets, then headed out.
Later on, I watched American Idol, had dinner, and took medicine. I feel like I'm starting to come down with a cold or really bad allergies. My throat and head were bothering me, so I called it a night. I didn't even watch How I Met Your Mother before I went to bed. That's when you know I'm sick...Or becoming more responsible. Who would've thought?!
That's all for now,
Shelby :)
April 8, 2014
Just Another Manic Monday
This morning was not off to a good start. Actually, it wasn't a bad start..It was just weird. First off, I did not want to get out of bed when I heard my alarm go off. I tried to pretend that it was the weekend and I didn't have to go to classes, but no such luck. It was indeed Monday. I got dressed, put my makeup and was starting to worry about my class mix up situation. I was SO wanting to take Young Adult Novel, but because it was "Children's lit," I couldn't. Apparently I was signed up to minor in English lit, so it wouldn't count for credit. I was trying to figure out anything I possibly could to take it (and so I wouldn't have a Tuesday/Thursday class, like the one I had signed up for after I dropped Young Adult Novel).
The morning was a little more out of whack from there. I grabbed my stuff and off we went. We were already running a little later, and hadn't gotten very far when I realized that I had forgotten my lunch. We turned back around, I rushed in and...Take two! I walked into my convergence journalism class a few minutes after roll and the Power Point had already started, and had to just find whatever seat was on the end. Luckily, they were talking about the inverted pyramid, which I know a lot about, so I didn't miss much. We listened to the lecture, did an activity and called it a day. My next class, public affairs, followed the same pattern. Our prof talked to us about story ideas for the beat we're covering and gave us a chance to do some research.
Class got out earlier, so I decided to talk with my english adviser to talk about my class mix up. Luckily, she was in her office, so I was able to chat with her for a few minutes and she's so incredibly helpful and nice. I officially signed the papers to switch my minor from "English lit" to "Children's lit" and I am so excited about it. I figure if it's a goal of mine to write books, this would be the route I'd take. Plus, English lit can be a bit stuffy. And I get my Tuesdays and Thursdays back! WOO!
After I finished up there, I picked up a key from campus police, then found a quiet spot to eat lunch. While I was sitting there, some thoughts came to me.
So many people my age keep getting engaged. I do have an opinion on that, but at the end of the day, it isn't my place to say and it really doesn't matter what I think about it anyway. I'm no expert in the relationship field in the first place.
There are several moments when I stop to think "Am I doing everything right?" "Am I doing okay?" I've never really had a relationship, like somehow that gives meworth, and it doesn't. That's something I've really had to take a step back and learn over quite some time now. And you know what? I really do feel like I'm a good track right now. It's just a little different than I pictured.
I'm so close to being done with school. I've had a lot of amazing opportunities and have been able to get out there and experience life with friends and family a lot more than I probably would have. I'm working towards a career in something I've always dreamed of. I'm finding out what I like, what I'm into, what kinds of decisions I make when it's solely up to me and not anyone else. I'm learning how to control my weaknesses and the things that set me off, becoming a better version of myself (or trying), and going where God has called me. This is by far the most exciting journey I have ever been on.
It's difficult, yes. It's challenging. But, at the same time, it's everything I could have hoped for! I remember just waiting and daydreaming about these moments in high school. When I wouldn't have a set plan, could pick my own schedule, could have a life OUTSIDE of school (well, I'm working on that a little) and could have new experiences. I'm living that out every single day.
Each morning when I wake up, there's always a new battle that needs to be fought, whether or not I win, whether it's believing in myself that I have what it takes, finding the willpower to write a paper, call a source, get a meeting set up, etc. Some days, the challenge has just been getting out of bed and taking a chance on all of this; having faith that God has brought me to this and He will bring me through it.
So, after all of these thoughts and finishing my lunch under the shade of a tree (where I used to sit when I didn't know anyone just a few months ago), I decided to go to our newspaper classroom. There are usually people in there, so I thought it'd give me a chance to hang out with them. A few of the editors were in there already, so I talked with them and started asking questions about what we were planning on doing for the day.
When class started, we all broke into different groups (photographers, returning writers, new writers and digital media), so we could focus on the things we needed to. I had one returning writer, so I mainly just chatted with him about some of the things he's interested in, which is Korean culture. He was telling me all about that, I told him about my interest in country music, and we talked about some of our connections/celebrities we've met. It opened my eyes to how we all have our things that we're into and passionate about, and we can all learn a little something from each other. After awhile, we decided to join the rest of the staff writers, where the other editors were doing "boot camp."
And then, we assigned/talked about stories that the staff writers wanted to write for this week. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous...I mean, now I'm totally in charge. I don't necessarily have to run things by someone above me. I get the say. Well, unless I'm really unsure of what to do about something. But, it's really weird being the one to call the shots, so I'm still getting used to that. And I think I'm going to like it. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone in all kinds of ways this quarter, and I can't help but be thrilled for the opportunity.
Once all of the stories were passed out, I hung around to talk with some of the editors. I also decided that I'm going to join the journalism club, which will be meeting on Wednesdays. I figure it's a good way to get involved, and I spend most of my time in the newspaper class already.
When I finished there, my mom picked me up and we went to Starbucks. A long day always calls for a treat from Starbucks. My drink of choice was black tea with 10 pumps of vanilla that one of my best friends got me hooked on. We came home and I've been catching up on all of the TV I didn't get a chance to watch last night. It has been a good day, and I have a feeling that it's going to be an even better week.
That's all for now,
Shelby :)
The morning was a little more out of whack from there. I grabbed my stuff and off we went. We were already running a little later, and hadn't gotten very far when I realized that I had forgotten my lunch. We turned back around, I rushed in and...Take two! I walked into my convergence journalism class a few minutes after roll and the Power Point had already started, and had to just find whatever seat was on the end. Luckily, they were talking about the inverted pyramid, which I know a lot about, so I didn't miss much. We listened to the lecture, did an activity and called it a day. My next class, public affairs, followed the same pattern. Our prof talked to us about story ideas for the beat we're covering and gave us a chance to do some research.
Class got out earlier, so I decided to talk with my english adviser to talk about my class mix up. Luckily, she was in her office, so I was able to chat with her for a few minutes and she's so incredibly helpful and nice. I officially signed the papers to switch my minor from "English lit" to "Children's lit" and I am so excited about it. I figure if it's a goal of mine to write books, this would be the route I'd take. Plus, English lit can be a bit stuffy. And I get my Tuesdays and Thursdays back! WOO!
After I finished up there, I picked up a key from campus police, then found a quiet spot to eat lunch. While I was sitting there, some thoughts came to me.
So many people my age keep getting engaged. I do have an opinion on that, but at the end of the day, it isn't my place to say and it really doesn't matter what I think about it anyway. I'm no expert in the relationship field in the first place.
There are several moments when I stop to think "Am I doing everything right?" "Am I doing okay?" I've never really had a relationship, like somehow that gives meworth, and it doesn't. That's something I've really had to take a step back and learn over quite some time now. And you know what? I really do feel like I'm a good track right now. It's just a little different than I pictured.
I'm so close to being done with school. I've had a lot of amazing opportunities and have been able to get out there and experience life with friends and family a lot more than I probably would have. I'm working towards a career in something I've always dreamed of. I'm finding out what I like, what I'm into, what kinds of decisions I make when it's solely up to me and not anyone else. I'm learning how to control my weaknesses and the things that set me off, becoming a better version of myself (or trying), and going where God has called me. This is by far the most exciting journey I have ever been on.
It's difficult, yes. It's challenging. But, at the same time, it's everything I could have hoped for! I remember just waiting and daydreaming about these moments in high school. When I wouldn't have a set plan, could pick my own schedule, could have a life OUTSIDE of school (well, I'm working on that a little) and could have new experiences. I'm living that out every single day.
Each morning when I wake up, there's always a new battle that needs to be fought, whether or not I win, whether it's believing in myself that I have what it takes, finding the willpower to write a paper, call a source, get a meeting set up, etc. Some days, the challenge has just been getting out of bed and taking a chance on all of this; having faith that God has brought me to this and He will bring me through it.
So, after all of these thoughts and finishing my lunch under the shade of a tree (where I used to sit when I didn't know anyone just a few months ago), I decided to go to our newspaper classroom. There are usually people in there, so I thought it'd give me a chance to hang out with them. A few of the editors were in there already, so I talked with them and started asking questions about what we were planning on doing for the day.When class started, we all broke into different groups (photographers, returning writers, new writers and digital media), so we could focus on the things we needed to. I had one returning writer, so I mainly just chatted with him about some of the things he's interested in, which is Korean culture. He was telling me all about that, I told him about my interest in country music, and we talked about some of our connections/celebrities we've met. It opened my eyes to how we all have our things that we're into and passionate about, and we can all learn a little something from each other. After awhile, we decided to join the rest of the staff writers, where the other editors were doing "boot camp."
And then, we assigned/talked about stories that the staff writers wanted to write for this week. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous...I mean, now I'm totally in charge. I don't necessarily have to run things by someone above me. I get the say. Well, unless I'm really unsure of what to do about something. But, it's really weird being the one to call the shots, so I'm still getting used to that. And I think I'm going to like it. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone in all kinds of ways this quarter, and I can't help but be thrilled for the opportunity.Once all of the stories were passed out, I hung around to talk with some of the editors. I also decided that I'm going to join the journalism club, which will be meeting on Wednesdays. I figure it's a good way to get involved, and I spend most of my time in the newspaper class already.
When I finished there, my mom picked me up and we went to Starbucks. A long day always calls for a treat from Starbucks. My drink of choice was black tea with 10 pumps of vanilla that one of my best friends got me hooked on. We came home and I've been catching up on all of the TV I didn't get a chance to watch last night. It has been a good day, and I have a feeling that it's going to be an even better week.
That's all for now,
Shelby :)
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| Amen to that! |
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